Sushant Singh Rajput, a perfect-in-every-sense celebrity "allegedly" commits suicide and what follows is an online nation-wide outcry on the internet. It was mostly about how humans need to be more kind, open and shall speak up about their mental health issues.
If you were one of those people who realised that they need to be a better friend and make amends to people that you weren't previously kind enough to, this article is for you.
The internet missed out on a very important point: having a clear reality check about all the possible outcomes that could emerge out of this. Do so within your own limits, knowing that your actions will not unintentionally lead to unfortunate, unpredictable, irreversible traumatic incidents, of course.
Know how much to do, when to do and where to stop. Do not indulge in anything that could create more problems.
How? To understand this you need to analyse circumstances. I'll try my best, but it goes way beyond the contents of this little post and my own emotional intelligence.
Why do people with deteriorating mental health have a hard time opening up about their issues?
People who do not speak up about their mental health often do so because of a fear, that they wouldn't be understood. It is impractical for us to expect these people to open up ALL OF A SUDDEN.
Perhaps they did try to speak out before. Maybe that is what led to even more trauma for them: the behavioural reactions of an unprepared, immature friend/colleague/family member.
Even if they do it, are you sure you're capable and strong enough to hear what they're going to unload Horrifying unheard stories can be traumatising for both people, the one who shares, and the one who listens to them for the first time.
Elaborating with an example ahead
(Sexual Harassment trigger warning)
Your cousin finally opens up to you about an old sexual harassment experience that they underwent. This was the very first time they've opened up. They could be shivering, they could be fumbling with words to speak up. All too much for you to process and understand. After all, you've never seen that side of them. While you try to politely listen, you realise that you didn't go through any of those horrifying experiences.
It makes complete sense if you have no clue about how to react.
But, your cousin might have had to collect immense amount of courage to speak up. So it's very natural for them to expect a reaction.
You'll be doing more harm than good, if the reaction comes out wrong or even as slightly insignificant. They will have to gather even more courage the next time they do it.
And here's another instance...
What if YOU have been a subject of a similar unfortunate incident yourselves? What if, YOU never got over it yourself? What if them confessing these things lands YOU in a dangerous situation, by triggering YOUR unresolved traumas?
Both of you would be shattered at once if it comes out unpredictably, right? Who would be responsible then?
Before promising all your support to your friends, please know that
you are also allowed to create your boundaries. You're only human. Recommend a doctor if you feel very early on in the conversation that your help wouldn't be adequate in some particular matter.
Why not effectively raise our voice instead, to demand a strong mental health support system?
We all have little cousins who are undergoing trauma as we speak and repost things online. No amount of kindness can replace professional therapy.
Try to persuade your own families first, about how visiting a therapist does NOT make one mentally-ill. It's a long way to go from here, to the governments actually making this a priority: mass employment of psychologists and counsellors in every educational institute, right from kindergarten.
Isn't that what's the norm in the western world? Isn't that a way more effective way to do something about mental health, rather than risking something that might lead to a multiplicity of unfortunate incidents?
Every human is not equipped with a perfect balance of kindness, because every person has their own unresolved issues. Human psychology is really, really more complicated than one would think. You cannot have an answer to everything. What you can do is, normalise the trend in your own houses, schools and colleges first.
Yeah, that's step one. Second would be, visiting your alma-mater's staff, principals, HODs to tell them that they HAVE TO employ a counsellor for the upcoming batches, no matter what.
 |
| If you wish your school/alma-mater had a mental health professional, sign this link. |
I take pride in belonging to a school dedicated to girls. Sophia school was my alma-mater for all 14 years of my school life. My mother had to fight to get me & my sister admitted to a good institution. Yet, I believe.. this school wasn’t enough because you got home to a community that wasn’t the same.
I wish I had an early access to a mental health counsellor. It wouldn’t have rendered me feeling hopeless in the cruelest of phases when I knew I needed a doctor but didn’t know how and whom to reach out to.
My mother has been a government teacher for 25 years now. She tells me, government institutions do not have any posts/vacancies for psychologists. Understandable. How can the government find one good counsellor when there’s no availability of good subject teachers.
Private institutions MUST accept that a counsellor in every institution is the need of the hour. The more we delay this, the more broken generations we are raising up.
It’s a cycle. It won’t stop. Mental health professionals exist for a reason, after all.
I cannot go back to my school with this demand because I’m emotionally weak. I don’t know who I would be dealing with, how kind the person on the other end would be. I will however, help you if you wish to take a stand. I will help you out with everything that I’m good with (including writing a very strong-worded letter to my own alma-mater).
