Living Mindfully: Mindfulness is Not Something We Can Learn in a Day

You cannot Adult Right without Mindfulness

A lot of what we call 'life' happens when we're transitioning from a child into an adult who is responsible for getting all their shit done.

For some it could be moving out of town for college, learning how to live alone whilst managing a job, getting married into a different culture, etc (basically our 20's, when we reroute education based on choices & not compulsion).

As we grow into life, we witness so many changes while having to reconsider our own behavioural patterns & habits of reciprocation.

Because after all, these actions are what determine the future now when we're being our own parent!

Change, The Butterfly Effect & Mindfulness

Whether or not you believe in the butterfly effect, you must've seen how your decisions in the recent past have shaped your present.

How it could've gone the other way, how you could've done better or escaped the worse.

For me, change doesn't come easy but it drains me, overwhelms me into thinking---

"What if I'm going too fast? Am I really built for it? What if once I accept this & DO change, life just MAKES me go the opposite way?"

I won't lie, there have been moments when I've felt like slowing down, giving up & going back to my comfort zone.

But hey, comfort zone isn't where one grows, right? So this is where mindfulness will come into play!

Change makes us uncomfortable for a reason

Stopping should not be an option when change overwhelms you. But neither is ignoring your own instincts that are making you uncomfortable.

If you find yourself in a situation where change is overwhelming you, do not be too afraid to face it.

Do not let it cloud your judgement to an extent that it makes you indecisive.

Slow down, but do not stop questioning WHY you're facing it.

What's your reason?

This talk about being met with change and dealing it makes me think of all the times when I indulged in things (as an adult responsible for her own actions) that have shaped my present without actually knowing it's significance in that time.

I would've have to make a choice no matter what, because life happens to all of us whether we want it to or not. At a pace that's not always necessarily in our hands.

But was I doing it mindfully, indulging in the things life threw at me? Or was I just being a kid about it?

Don't ignore your intuition & be patient with yourself!

Mindfulness isn't something we can learn in a day. It takes practice no matter how organised, disciplined we think we are.

However, it doesn't mean limiting our experiences- just learning how to be fully present in the moment right now, good or bad. You & your experiences are the company that stay with you for life.

Our intuition will always try to connect with us to guide us better. 

Just don't be TOO CASUAL with the energy, especially if your intuition is trying to guide you otherwise 🙂

"Does One Have To Be Good At Everything?" -The Lockdown Social Media Misery

A question that bugs me a lot. I know that enough has been said and written about this already, but why can’t this stop bothering me?

The Lockdown and Social Media Misery

"Help! I can't cook & I don't even want to!"

I’m not a good cook. I might become one, I just don’t try. Cooking isn’t something that fascinates me unless I have to cook to serve my appetite in the middle of the night.

And even in the middle of the night, if I’m not in my hometown under the watch of my parents (who just want their children to be self-dependent), I will only cook when I’m broke.

Also Read: The 7 Best and Most Affordable Eating Points in North Campus, DU

When the lockdown started, people were giving all sorts of cuisines a try because our generation has been spoilt by the likes of Zomato & Swiggy. It isn’t exciting to have the same old set of nutrients in a wholesome meal every single day, so we need exciting stuff in our lives.

And food does that for most of us.

Ron Swanson: everyone's spirit animal when it comes to foooooood

What was I doing during the lockdown? I was feeling sorry about my lazy ass for not helping my lockdown companions enough in the kitchen. I would compensate somehow by cleaning the utensils or doing some other (less culinary skills based) tasks, but the regret sure made me feel inferior to the rest of the humans across the planet (who made sure to let us know about their excellent cooking skills via social media).

"Do I even qualify as a girl if I'm not into fashion/makeup/photos?!?"

Same goes for the fact that I didn’t have any mesmerising throwback pictures to post on my social accounts. If anything, I started to look more like a hobo. Oh I still do look like a hobo.

Thanks to social media, I also couldn’t help but question my self worth as a girl more and more each day.

I didn’t paint my nails once during the lockdown. And why would I, when this was something I’d hardly do before all of this began? And I doubt if I even had about 15 days in this lockdown that would count as ‘self-care’, externally. If anything, I oiled my head even less than I would on normal days.

I still go days without actually looking at myself in the mirror (yeah, sad right?)

"Will I have something good to talk about by the time we walk out of this catastrophe?"

Everyone I know started doing something or the other as a hobby, timepass and productivity booster.

I believe that I did take some care of myself internally, but it wasn’t enough compared to what everyone else was doing. I couldn’t keep up with my yoga practice, and I failed miserably when it came to meditation or communicating with people (even with my own family).

I did learn some new skills. Check this out for instance: Music Playlist Curation

"I lost my job, what do I do?"

Before all of this had begun, I had a decent plan to shift from freelancing to working in a promising industry. Sadly, this industry was directly related to social gatherings. The plan not only failed, I also was so nervous that I couldn't muster enough courage to even talk to my potential employer about the situation.

I kept delaying 'the talk' for months (including the fact that I had to collect a payment from him). It was a major buzzkill for my mood and professional growth.

Social media was full of memes for people distressed because of WFH. I felt so, so bad that I didn't even have a job anymore.

Also Read: Was Television Really The Idiot Box?

How I planned to resolve this tricky situation:

All of this could've been avoided if I simply just left social media, right? Well, I didn't want to!

I needed it to interact with my friends and family. Man is a social animal afterall.

All of us wish that the pandemic gets over soon and we can move back to our old lives where social media wasn't the place where we interact with people the most. 

But sadly, even if the pandemic was somehow over, its impact is here to stay in our lives.

Like all people, I wish I could be confident enough to easily let go off of my disturbing thoughts. While I try to indulge in the hobbies that I love, I am also learning how to take care of my mental health while being on internet.

(Tap on the image to be redirected to the source:
6 ways to protect your mental health from social media’s dangers)

I made separate accounts for separate moods as one step towards self-care. Like, if I'm in a mood to feel creative and not be bothered by the amazing personal lives of people I know, I go to my creative account. If I'm in a mood to catch up with my closest friends, I go to my finsta. If I'm in a mood to rant, I go to Twitter.

If you've found yourself in the same boat as me- moody and depressed because of social media... you could give this thing a try too! It's all about sorting your social media platforms as per how they make you feel.

What you see affects what you feel. It works to separate yourself from what makes you feel bad.

How do you resolve this?

Let me know about your tips and tricks. It's always good to connect with like-minded people, provided it's over texts and comments (because of my social anxiety hahahahah).

Thanks for reading!

Adjusting vs Adapting: Is there a Difference Between the Two?

At one of my earlier office-places, I was tagged as an unfit personality for that particular work place. The tag had left a very memorable impression on me, which is why I felt like writing this down.

This place was renowned across the city, as a fun work space. The employees came dressed up very often and it was conveyed to the rest of the world via sharing pictures on all the social channels. However, I was that one person who avoided the camera at all costs. I did dress up, but was just hesitant to get clicked.

The CEO claimed in a close door meeting that I was an unfit person for that office. My ultimate supervisor did correct her, that my work performance was excellent regardless of the absence of a zeal to participate in group pictures.

For years I have struggled with making a lasting connection with the new people that I meet. Quite contrary to my presumption, it’s got more and more difficult as I’ve grown up.

My "Unfit" Personality :

I can't exactly pinpoint the time frame when my "unfit personality" started becoming a hindrance in developing lifelong relations with people.

As a school going child, I always felt like I had enough friends. I wasn’t the kind of kid who’d hang around with a bunch of kids and monopolise the favourite recess spot.

Yet, I did have friends. Pretty decent ones, in fact. And I've still got them by my side.

In the last couple years of schooling in my small hometown, I actually felt 'loneliness' for the first time. But it had to do with a lot of factors, combined. It was so much more than just another adolescent emotion, and a story for some other time.

The Impact of Social Media :

There’s one significant thing that’s popped up in every phase of my life since those years when I felt 'lonely'- the inability to decode the substitute to a digital social life (aka life in the 21st century).

Years have passed by since the selfie revolution took over the sanity of humans. Yet, it’s still very amusing to witness people hyperventilating at the very moment a camera is flashed at them.

It is everywhere- from youngsters having tea & snacks at the neighbourhood cigarette shop to their memorable trip on the Himalayas. 

After all- clicking pictures has become the very definition of making memories.

The office wasn't the only place where I felt like I didn't belong. It happens each time when a group gets photographed and asks me to squeeze in. Either I'm too anxious, or it's the fact that it is not something I've yet accepted as a form of making memories.

I’ve been advised NUMEROUS TIMES by NUMEROUS PEOPLE to try to adapt to the places where I cannot seem to fit in.

Also Read: An Open Letter to My Indian Parents for If & When I Get Married

It’s possible that I do need to change some of my habits, and I try my best

Although, I cannot make myself change the core characteristics of my personality and I do not even want to.

I cannot make friends by just, ‘going out’. Yup, it’s true that perhaps they’re trying to connect with the likes of me, but come on again! What are the odds that either of us would just find each other there at the synchronised time!

Pretty sure they’re in their comfort zone somewhere doing whatever it is that makes them happy, just how I am doing right now.

I do not however feel like I need to be photographed in an office-setup to prove that I'm a fit person as long as my performance is good.

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An Open Letter to My Indian Parents for If & When I Get Married

    Dear Mom & Dad,

It’s happening. I’m finally old enough to commit legally to another family. Have, another family. It’s been a long journey that we’ve travelled together til here and as much as I’m anxious about the next journey with this new guy (or girl, hah!) by my side, I’m also VERY anxious about this days long ‘ceremony’ that’s expected of us.

Ever since I was a child, I’ve been telling you that I do not wish to have an elaborate one because it’s quite meaningless for someone who grew up with you. Two hardworking people whose entire lives have revolved around their respective careers and upbringing us. Me, didi and bhaiya.

You were never religious or cared enough to drag us to any of the ceremonies in our own community, ever since we were little. Honestly, I’m pretty clueless about almost all of those rituals, as i’m sure you are, too.

So what happens next? Somewhere between the years when you were working hard for that tender, papa.. and you learnt how to operate every single application on MS Office, mom, a lot of other changes did occur. For example, many of my friends sprung their own careers out of opportunities in what has now become, an industry.

Yeah, marriage has become an even more elaborate industry now, than it used to be in your time.

For families like us, that have been on shaming-radar of our own community, apparently for not getting married us sooner, there’s a new system in place. They’re called wedding-planners. They’ll manage everything from the fireworks for when my groom (/bride) and I would be exchanging var-malas on the excessively blingy and shimmery spinning-elevated platform-cum-stage to the drone-videography of that event.

Ofcourse, in older times, we would’ve had to depend on our extended family members to manage all of this. And given their lack of faith in us because of my delayed (possibly non-consensual with them) marriage, they might desert us. And hence, these wedding event managers would definitely be our saviours.

Also Read: Fiction was my best friend as a child, but it’s a blessing and a curse at the same time...

But here’s the thing, mom and dad. All of the things they plan are done keeping in mind the ‘trends’. There’ll be pre-wedding shoots, a shot of you and I hugging, before my Vidai, dad. Oh there’ll be hundreds and thousands of pictures taken. Re-takes, because, it’s mandatory they get the appropriate angle for my non-photogenic face *smh*.

And here’s what the problem is, we’d be spending god-knows how many ‘kilograms’ of rupees (Ahemmm, pun only because, Digital India) on something that your daughter sucks at.

Your daughter hates getting clicked.

Your daughter hates looking at, posing for the camera.

Your daughter hates fireworks.

Your daughter hates excessively crowded places, let alone a situation where she’s the centre of all attraction. Oh, I’m pretty sure I’ll either run away or faint because of a panic attack and not knowing what to do with so many strangers staring right into my eyes or my ‘get-up’.

They’ll have exclusive music tracks for every single footstep that I would be taking. Remixes, even. I grew up with you. I blasted Green Day and The Cure when I was 11, at home. By the next 10 years, I was exploring the shit out of “I’m Cyborg But It’s Okay” Youtube channel. I will not be able to take it, those remixes while spinning on an elevated platform, putting the var-mala around my partner’s neck. I might as well strangle him (/her) in anger to make it stop.

Also Read: You're opting for Arts? Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind!

How are we going to survive this? We’re both stuck in the middle. Sometime when the trend shifted from being 'extremely religious+respected' to 'extremely religious+trendy+trumpet-gloat-glory', in regards to getting married, you and I were lost somewhere in our own worlds. We’ve become aliens and I do not know how we’re going to overcome this major hurdle before I can happily start this beautiful new phase of my life.

Yours Truly,

An Anxious Daughter with no regrets whatsoever

but only love for how you’ve raised me up.