Factual Reasons to Mandate Mental Health Counsellors in Every Indian School

According to an estimate by the World Health Organisation (WHO), mental illness makes about 15% of the total disease conditions around the world. Also, in 2011, there were 0·301 psychiatrists and 0·047 psychologists for every 100,000 patients suffering from a mental health disorder in India!

That's disturbing, right? Wait till you read more!

According to a report by The Lancent:

(one of the world's oldest and best-known general medical journals)

• China and India are home to more than a third of people with mental illness, but only a tiny fraction of them receive medical help,
• There are more people in the world’s two most populous nations coping with mental, neurological and substance use problems than in all high-income countries combined,
• That burden will become much heavier in coming decades, especially in India, where it is projected to increase by a quarter by 2025

The stigma associated with mental health problems in the two countries also impacts on employment opportunities and therefore the social economic status of families, compounding social inequalities for those with mental health and substance use disorders.

Some red flags with our current policies:

• Less than one per cent of national healthcare budgets in India is allocated to mental health care
• Estimates suggest that by 2025, 38.1m years of healthy lives in India will be lost mental health diseases
• From 2015 to 2025, it is estimated that the number of healthy years lost due to dementia will increase by 82% in India 

(Source)

Channelising the National Outrage Systematically:

When Sushant Singh Rajput's death caused a whirlwind of national outrage over the lack of addressal mechanism for mental health in India, I dug up the following data:

In 2008, CBSE had circulated a guideline amongst every affiliated school's Head of Institute to hire a mental health counsellor within their premises (here's the link from their official website: 2008 Guideline)

This move was accelerated based on a suggestion by the Raghavan Committee's Report constituted by the Hon’ble Supreme Court of India (in SLP No. 24295 of 2006) to put an end to bullying and its consequences on young children.

In 2015, there was yet another guideline for the same purpose. However, due to extreme administrative negligence, this was not given enough limelight by the schools.

In light of the outrage over mental health being considered a taboo by majority of the nation even today, I am requesting the government to intervene immediately and make this guideline mandatory.

It is NOT plausible for India to ignore the mental health crisis looming on our head anymore

There have been enough debates about what causes mental illnesses amongst humans. Science has given us enough research to conclude that a mental illness is as grave as a physical injury. Then why do we not have a basic mental healthcare infrastructure in place already?

Some important points to note:

• Bullying and harassment are not the only leading causes of stress, anxiety and mental health issues amongst youngsters.
• In case of a crisis, students and adults are not equipped with a proper knowledge as to how and whom to approach for resolving the crisis.
• Lack of awareness regarding the difference between a counsellor, psychologist and psychiatrist leads to more problems because of the commercialisation of the healthcare industry.

Mental Illness is as grave as a physical injury:

Here's how to become an even better nation by allowing our future generations to grow in a healthy environment by educating them about mental health from childhood onwards. We need to borrow the school counsellor culture from the west, immediately!

My mother has been a government teacher for 25 years now. She tells me, government institutions do not have any posts/vacancies for psychologists/counsellors. Understandable. The government has numerous responsibilities with India being a huge nation.

Although private schools can incorporate the model in their institutions, if mandated by the government. They can even afford that!

If you wish that your private school had had a mental health counsellor, you can sign this petition: Every Private School Shall Employ A Competent Mental Health Counsellor, Right Away

Collectively, we MUST accept that a counsellor in every institution is the need of the hour. The more we delay this, the more broken generations we are raising up.

It’s a cycle. It won’t stop. Mental health professionals exist for a reason, after all. Save your future generations and sign this petition now.

Have any suggestions? Email me on thatcandorgirl@gmail.com or leave a comment below. I'll get back to you about it!

Television: Boon or Bane? Was TV Actually the Idiot Box?

If you grew up in a middle class family with one set of television placed in the living room, you would be pretty familiar with the term ‘idiot box’. Although, you might be surprised to know that the term Idiot Box had been coined in the 1950’s itself!

It amounted to the fact that the non-responsive television box was capable enough to deliver a bulk-load of information from every niche to the viewers. It did not specifically cater to one set of audience, but distributed the content without giving an authority to the set-owners of what it was capable of.

Parents who disliked the fact that their children could have access to every kind of information hated this concept of multiplicity of available options.

If you were an avid TV watcher as a child, you might be familiar with the irritability this term amounted to. The moment things would get interesting on the screen, elders would ask you to go do something else or the classic “just go study”!

These were some of the frequent arguments put forward by the elders to make us stop from watching TV:

• Television makes you dumb and stupid with it’s unscientific facts and stories.
• Television makes you unhealthy because you sit on the couch all day long!
• The idiot box will make you blind if you watch it for more than xx hours a day!
• It disturbs everyone in the house because of the loud noise,
• Your sibling needs to study for a test, you should let them concentrate.

I remember an incident from my childhood when I was arguing with my parents to watch television after 10PM because my brother didn’t let me watch my favourites during the day. To my surprise, they agreed.

I was disappointed when Popeye was soon taken over by the home-shopping advertisements, even on Cartoon Network! A great troll moment by the idiot box indeed!

Fast Forward to 2020, a Flashback to the Good Old Days Before the OTT/Streaming Era:

My paternal grandfather loved watching news. It was a pleasure to sit with him and watch cartoons occasionally. Tom & Jerry used to be his favourite! An otherwise serious man would laugh looking at it sometimes.

Whenever an elder would ask me to go switch it off because watching the idiot box would make me ‘dumb’, I would quickly switch over to the Discovery channel! It was a fun ride to get the elders on board to accompany me.

          

Well, those days are long gone. Families no longer have common TV time together. OTT has taken over the cheerful living room hours and very rapidly so.

Also Read: Could the Internet have Dealt Better with Mental Health Awareness After Sushant Singh Rajput's "Death"?

Sanju’s Magic Pencil gets Replaced with Apple Pencil:

Toddlers these days are well-equipped with adequacy when it comes to operating on a device. My youngest cousin knew how to skip the Youtube advertisements when she was a 3 year old. To my surprise, whenever I handed over the phone to her with a nursery rhyme video, she swiftly moved to videos of girls playing with their cooking set toys.

Back in the day, Sanju’s magic pencil was the must-have stationary item for us. Today, children do not want to own anything less than an Apple pencil. Their demands have to be met by the parents regardless of the necessity.

Implications of the Spread of OTT on the Eldest Members of the Family:

The spread of OTT, especially during the Covid-19 pandemic has resulted in a big relief for the majority of us. The mass availability of cheap options to choose from is an extremely appreciated revolution.

However, the eldest generation of the house are the ones who didn’t approve of technology and its mass intervention in our lives initially. And they still happen to be the ones who are least accustomed to the trends.

They might be aware of what Netflix is, but ask them who Binod is, and they would probably wander off to their thoughts to think of a distinct relative that their hazy memory has no recollection of.

Desolation amongst the Elderly on Account of Unfamiliarity with Technology:

While each one of us has the liberty today to engage in our favourite content across various platforms, the eldest generation is not only devoid of that knowledge, but also happens to be increasingly irritated with the younger generations being so self-engaged.

And why wouldn’t they? Think of it this way: you have a fever and your eyes start to water if you stare at your phone/laptop screen for a while. The incessant sounds start to bother you and you can’t entertain yourself anymore while being in the bed.

Now your grandmother has started to lose her sight and hearing ability because of the natural aging process. She doesn’t mind resting all day. But would it not get lonely after a while when nobody in the house cares about it anymore?

Also Read: The Pandemic's Psychological Implications on Small Town People

The Self-Involved Generation:

For the last generations, children and grandchildren seem to have their limitless alternative worlds within screens. They often get so self-involved in a trend and with trying to keep up with it, that a lonely grandma in their own house doesn’t seem to bother their glued attention to the screens. And why would it? It’s so addictive after all!

The advent of technology is no doubt a blessing for us. But the tremendous amount of advancement means: one step ahead for us is yet another step backwards for those with a lack of will and ability to keep up with it.

It seems like no matter how different every individual was, television was the one thing common about family time but it has been taken away because of the OTT revolution. Everybody feels it’s more convenient to watch something personalised on their own screen, in their own rooms and comfort zones.

Hence, leaving the elderly generation as desolated from the rest of the tech-savvy generations.

What Can We Do Now?

For those of us under 35-40 years of age, TV is just another electronic appliance. For those above this age group, it was a revolution. Remember how excited every elder person in our house was when TV channels started re-airing Mahabharat and Ramayana?

It was initially because of the fact that the newer shittier soap operas couldn’t get produced anymore because of the lockdown. But it made them so happy!

The Dyanaro shutter TV was our home’s first set of television

The original first TV sets for every household have had a great emotional importance attached to them. Given that a television set was costly and could only reach households in the early 1980’s. 

My parents tell me that back in the days when television was a prized possession for a household, neighbours used to gather around the walls of the house with a set of television. It was basically enough to just hear the idiot box speak.

Reminisce with the elderly about the good old television days:

It’s always our generation’s number one complaint that we do not have anything in common with the older generations to sit and converse about. It’s not true! Had it not been for this smartphone/laptop in your hands… you would’ve been talking about things.

Find a moment to sit back with your grandparents and old parents to talk about their first TV moments. Very soon, you’re only gonna find this bit of information in books and chronicles written by authors. Not kidding!

• Did you know that most people recall their first TV moments with Indira Gandhi’s assassination?
• Hum Log, a beloved TV series determined the nicknames for most people born in the 1980’s and 1990’s.
• Yeh Jo Hai Zindgi, India’s first very own TV series, was very much relatable for almost the whole of India.
• Buniyaad, Katha Sagar, Nukkad and Malgudi Days were amongst others that used to be the favourite family pastimes.

Let them have a scoop of what the actors are up to now:

Just like you’re attached to Sylvester Stallone and Jennifer Aniston, your grandparents would love to hear about the lives of their favourite TV stars. Give it a go, you might uncover a never seen before enthusiasm to connect with them!

You can also teach them how to stream their favourite TV shows on the smart TV’s or their rarely used smartphones. However, at that age it could be difficult for them to remember. Remind them from time to time or just do it yourself for them!

Also Read: Dealing With The Corona Virus Pandemic Anxiety

Did I miss out on something? Let me know about it in the comments section below. I’ll add it to the article!

Thanks for reading :) -That Candor Girl

Adjusting vs Adapting: Is there a Difference Between the Two?

At one of my earlier office-places, I was tagged as an unfit personality for that particular work place. The tag had left a very memorable impression on me, which is why I felt like writing this down.

This place was renowned across the city, as a fun work space. The employees came dressed up very often and it was conveyed to the rest of the world via sharing pictures on all the social channels. However, I was that one person who avoided the camera at all costs. I did dress up, but was just hesitant to get clicked.

The CEO claimed in a close door meeting that I was an unfit person for that office. My ultimate supervisor did correct her, that my work performance was excellent regardless of the absence of a zeal to participate in group pictures.

For years I have struggled with making a lasting connection with the new people that I meet. Quite contrary to my presumption, it’s got more and more difficult as I’ve grown up.

My "Unfit" Personality :

I can't exactly pinpoint the time frame when my "unfit personality" started becoming a hindrance in developing lifelong relations with people.

As a school going child, I always felt like I had enough friends. I wasn’t the kind of kid who’d hang around with a bunch of kids and monopolise the favourite recess spot.

Yet, I did have friends. Pretty decent ones, in fact. And I've still got them by my side.

In the last couple years of schooling in my small hometown, I actually felt 'loneliness' for the first time. But it had to do with a lot of factors, combined. It was so much more than just another adolescent emotion, and a story for some other time.

The Impact of Social Media :

There’s one significant thing that’s popped up in every phase of my life since those years when I felt 'lonely'- the inability to decode the substitute to a digital social life (aka life in the 21st century).

Years have passed by since the selfie revolution took over the sanity of humans. Yet, it’s still very amusing to witness people hyperventilating at the very moment a camera is flashed at them.

It is everywhere- from youngsters having tea & snacks at the neighbourhood cigarette shop to their memorable trip on the Himalayas. 

After all- clicking pictures has become the very definition of making memories.

The office wasn't the only place where I felt like I didn't belong. It happens each time when a group gets photographed and asks me to squeeze in. Either I'm too anxious, or it's the fact that it is not something I've yet accepted as a form of making memories.

I’ve been advised NUMEROUS TIMES by NUMEROUS PEOPLE to try to adapt to the places where I cannot seem to fit in.

Also Read: An Open Letter to My Indian Parents for If & When I Get Married

It’s possible that I do need to change some of my habits, and I try my best

Although, I cannot make myself change the core characteristics of my personality and I do not even want to.

I cannot make friends by just, ‘going out’. Yup, it’s true that perhaps they’re trying to connect with the likes of me, but come on again! What are the odds that either of us would just find each other there at the synchronised time!

Pretty sure they’re in their comfort zone somewhere doing whatever it is that makes them happy, just how I am doing right now.

I do not however feel like I need to be photographed in an office-setup to prove that I'm a fit person as long as my performance is good.

Liked that?

Great!

Stay in touch! :)

The Menstrual Leaves Debate is Well Appreciated. But Why is Menstruation Still Considered a Taboo in Our Society?

Zomato has initiated a well-appreciated debate in India by introducing period leaves. Although, it does raise a very serious question amongst us: why is period/menstruation still considered a taboo in our society?

I have come across a lot of questions posed to me by my male friends which points towards their lack of knowledge when it comes to the topic. And they cannot be blamed for this. If anything, I appreciate their curiosity to know more.

In this series of graphics, I ponder upon the main highlights of the subject: "Why is menstruation considered a taboo?"

Let me know about your views on this!

What do you think? Is menstruation still a taboo subject amongst you and your friends? Let me know in the comments section below!

Also Read: Dealing With The Corona Virus Pandemic Anxiety

Dealing With The Corona Virus Pandemic Anxiety

What a sudden and strange turn our lives have took over the last couple of months. 2020 couldn't have been more unpredictable.

A lot of us lost our jobs, failed to be one of those who could secure a work-from-home, our exams got postponed, school and college degrees got stuck.

Some of us had the exact opposite plans for 2020, specially those of us in our early 20’s. Pandemic disrupted all of our lives pretty hard. So many of us are sitting at home worried, anxious & clueless about when it’s going to be alright again.

Well, nobody knows… so what do we do??

 

I overthink way too much. It sometimes gets out of my hands so much that I lose track of the reality. 

Do you guys remember the loud animal howls that filled the urban silence when the lockdown was first imposed? It was then that all of this pandemic stuff got too real for me.

I remember waking up one day and taking a shower right after because my head was exploding with thoughts as soon as I woke up. I had an anxiety attack right there in the washroom.

I was too scared to step out. My mind somehow got cluttered with pretty ridiculous thoughts.

“these noises must be coming from that slum dwelling right behind the house… yup, that’s where it’s coming from. Did somebody die… that would explain the crying… shall I go look?

Why is nobody else from the house up yet? These noises are insane… what if the virus gets out of control, I’d soon have to hear all of this from every corner of the city! Oh, there’s more… Why are they howling like animals? What do I do…. Somebody shut it down, please shut it down…”

I couldn’t get out of the washroom. I sat there even after having taken my bath.

It’s been 3 months now. I don’t get scared like that anymore. But it was awful. I’m still not able to step out of the house even if it is to meet my friends who I know are quarantining well enough.

Also Read: Could the Internet have Dealt Better with Mental Health Awareness After Sushant Singh Rajput's "Death"?

I never liked my house. The home, is fine. But the house… it’s got no windows, none at all. I loved the freedom I enjoyed for the last 5 years, when I didn’t have to live in my hometown.

While I did prepare myself for the worst, things have been this way for too long now. I try to take my energy out by doing what I like the most. At some point, even that gets boring, but I don’t see any point in giving myself any free time. I know my little brain will explode with thoughts if I take a look at the newspaper.

Buddha says ‘do not dwell in the past’.

However, these are those exceptional times where I have taken the liberty of changing the quotation as per my own terms!

DO NOT DWELL IN THE PRESENT.

I’m trying to make plans for the future already. Something that I never did because I was too scared to dream big.

How are you dealing with this pandemic anxiety?

Could the Internet have Dealt Better with Mental Health Awareness After Sushant Singh Rajput's "Death"?

Sushant Singh Rajput, a perfect-in-every-sense celebrity "allegedly" commits suicide and what follows is an online nation-wide outcry on the internet. It was mostly about how humans need to be more kind, open and shall speak up about their mental health issues.

If you were one of those people who realised that they need to be a better friend and make amends to people that you weren't previously kind enough to, this article is for you.

The internet missed out on a very important point: having a clear reality check about all the possible outcomes that could emerge out of this. Do so within your own limits, knowing that your actions will not unintentionally lead to unfortunate, unpredictable, irreversible traumatic incidents, of course.

Know how much to do, when to do and where to stop. Do not indulge in anything that could create more problems.

How? To understand this you need to analyse circumstances. I'll try my best, but it goes way beyond the contents of this little post and my own emotional intelligence.

Why do people with deteriorating mental health have a hard time opening up about their issues?

People who do not speak up about their mental health often do so because of a fear, that they wouldn't be understood. It is impractical for us to expect these people to open up ALL OF A SUDDEN.

Perhaps they did try to speak out before. Maybe that is what led to even more trauma for them: the behavioural reactions of an unprepared, immature friend/colleague/family member.

Even if they do it, are you sure you're capable and strong enough to hear what they're going to unload Horrifying unheard stories can be traumatising for both people, the one who shares, and the one who listens to them for the first time.

Elaborating with an example ahead

(Sexual Harassment trigger warning)

Your cousin finally opens up to you about an old sexual harassment experience that they underwent. This was the very first time they've opened up. They could be shivering, they could be fumbling with words to speak up. All too much for you to process and understand. After all, you've never seen that side of them. While you try to politely listen, you realise that you didn't go through any of those horrifying experiences.

It makes complete sense if you have no clue about how to react.

But, your cousin might have had to collect immense amount of courage to speak up. So it's very natural for them to expect a reaction.

Also Read: Dealing With the Coronavirus Pandemic Anxiety in 2020

You'll be doing more harm than good, if the reaction comes out wrong or even as slightly insignificant. They will have to gather even more courage the next time they do it.

And here's another instance...

What if YOU have been a subject of a similar unfortunate incident yourselves? What if, YOU never got over it yourself? What if them confessing these things lands YOU in a dangerous situation, by triggering YOUR unresolved traumas?

Both of you would be shattered at once if it comes out unpredictably, right? Who would be responsible then?

Before promising all your support to your friends, please know that you are also allowed to create your boundaries. You're only human. Recommend a doctor if you feel very early on in the conversation that your help wouldn't be adequate in some particular matter.

Why not effectively raise our voice instead, to demand a strong mental health support system?

We all have little cousins who are undergoing trauma as we speak and repost things online. No amount of kindness can replace professional therapy.

Try to persuade your own families first, about how visiting a therapist does NOT make one mentally-ill. It's a long way to go from here, to the governments actually making this a priority: mass employment of psychologists and counsellors in every educational institute, right from kindergarten.

Isn't that what's the norm in the western world? Isn't that a way more effective way to do something about mental health, rather than risking something that might lead to a multiplicity of unfortunate incidents?

Every human is not equipped with a perfect balance of kindness, because every person has their own unresolved issues. Human psychology is really, really more complicated than one would think. You cannot have an answer to everything. What you can do is, normalise the trend in your own houses, schools and colleges first.

Also read: Fiction was my best friend as a child, but it’s a blessing and a curse at the same time...

Yeah, that's step one. Second would be, visiting your alma-mater's staff, principals, HODs to tell them that they HAVE TO employ a counsellor for the upcoming batches, no matter what.

If you wish your school/alma-mater had a mental health professional, sign this link.

I take pride in belonging to a school dedicated to girls. Sophia school was my alma-mater for all 14 years of my school life. My mother had to fight to get me & my sister admitted to a good institution. Yet, I believe.. this school wasn’t enough because you got home to a community that wasn’t the same.

I wish I had an early access to a mental health counsellor. It wouldn’t have rendered me feeling hopeless in the cruelest of phases when I knew I needed a doctor but didn’t know how and whom to reach out to.

My mother has been a government teacher for 25 years now. She tells me, government institutions do not have any posts/vacancies for psychologists. Understandable. How can the government find one good counsellor when there’s no availability of good subject teachers.

Private institutions MUST accept that a counsellor in every institution is the need of the hour. The more we delay this, the more broken generations we are raising up.

It’s a cycle. It won’t stop. Mental health professionals exist for a reason, after all.

I cannot go back to my school with this demand because I’m emotionally weak. I don’t know who I would be dealing with, how kind the person on the other end would be. I will however, help you if you wish to take a stand. I will help you out with everything that I’m good with (including writing a very strong-worded letter to my own alma-mater).

Fiction was my best friend as a child, but it’s a blessing and a curse at the same time...

I read my first novel in 3rd grade. It was a thriller/mystery. Reading as a hobby has been in my family for at least 2 generations now. In fact, my 2 siblings and I have inherited the exact taste in genre as my father!

Our school library only lent books to students in grade 6 and above. But since I had an elder sister with the very same hobby, I got an access to a huge collection of fiction books, way more early than the other kids.

Scholastic book fairs became sorta religious for us. We even borrowed unusual number of books from our friends who didn’t like reading much.

And the only stall we visited in our small town’s annual trade fair was: the book stall. Where else could you find a plethora of second-hand books at such cheap rates?

About a decade back.. my sister, brother and I wanted to place an online order for a few books from our favourite author that the three of us had been waiting to lay our hands on since ages! Mom and dad asked us to wait til the finals got over. But we couldn’t wait...

So we searched for pirated copies on the internet. We then sneaked into dad’s office and printed 3 novels that day! We got a big-ass lecture and (well-deserved) verbal thrashing for wasting so much paper.

My favourite author, Sir only-wrote-18-books-and-passed-away became a god-sent for an introvert child like me, who spent almost no outdoor time as an adolescent.

All of his books had a strong female protagonist as the lead character. These books took me to places and times that I had only read about in History and Geography books. The insane amount of detailing when it came to human psychology used to make me gasp with surprise

Unlike most kids, by the time I was in 9th grade, I knew what Multiple Personality Disorder was. I never gave another genres a serious try. They weren’t just worth it after I’d swam in the murder-mystery-fiction waters.

I always had my head in the clouds growing up, living in a parallel universe. I’d be sitting in the school bus dreaming about going to a school, very different than mine. Where there was sub-par infrastructure and much more cooler people around.

I wouldn’t call it all bad, because at the very young age of 9 years, I had planned a novel with my two best friends. We divided the tasks: who would write it, who would be doing the illustrations, help us get it printed and distributed, and what not!

Also Read: An Open Letter to My Parents for If & When I Get Married

While getting over my very first SO after a non-consensual breakup… every time I had an emotional outbreak and felt like reaching out, fiction helped me become strong and not do it. It took a lot of self-control… almost to the brink of insanity. I’d tell myself that he’s dead, so I can’t do it.

Planned a funeral in my head and everything. Crazy, right? I would not recommend it, even though back then it helped me not step back into a dangerous territory.

Confusing fiction with reality subconsciously became an ugly habit overtime. Every time I was scared of trying something new, I’d tell myself that I do not necessarily need to indulge in it, because life can go on without any possibility of me landing in a similar situation.

I am aware about this habit today, and it still creates problems for me sometimes. Running away from reality only makes acceptance difficult. It’s delusional. And it’s a lot of work to get my brain off that track even when I know I’m doing it.

Have you been in my shoes? If so, when did you realise you were doing it, and how did you get rid of it? Let me know in the comments below! :)

Also Read: Question: How Do You Define A Good Piece Of Art?

The Pandemic's Psychological Implications on Small Town People

Stressed from the home quarantine more than the actual virus itself? It makes complete sense if you're one of those wanting to escape your home. This feeling even has a medical term to address itself: Cabin Fever.

Because of this odd healthcare emergency, a huge proportion of human race has been confined to wherever they were, at an extremely short notice with no preparation whatsoever! Ofcourse, with no exception to toxic houses and relationships.

What is Cabin Fever & how real is it?

Had we been given enough time to deal with the situation, some of us would've preferred to be elsewhere. But what's done cannot be changed. You didn't have enough time or a prior understanding so do not feel sorry about it and maybe try to get a deeper understanding of the concept.

Why is living indoors with the people we love so difficult?

If you feel a claustrophobic emotion with your own loved ones, and feel like walking out of the 4 walls after every single fight with a cohabiter, it is pretty normal. Even those couples who have been happily married for decades are experiencing constant exposure to negative energy around them.

Why? Well, largely because most of us used to keep ourselves surrounded with a work environment including daily commutes to work places, having a social circle interested in the same hobbies and leisure activities like us, etc. But now it's all taken away from us!

That is one explanation or a meaning behind our heightened irrational decision-making & incapable coping-mechanisms while staying indoors with our families, friends and spouses. Often leading to undesired clashes because of the minutest issues. We even end up feeling sorry but the chain of reactions doesn't seem to be in our control.

A major shift in our societal structures:

When it comes to communication, man definitely overshadowed all the other species. But that doesn't resonate with the present times because for most of us, we always had an option to walk out whenever our mental state gave us any hints.

My theory is that in some certain civilisations man moved too fast with the advancement of civilisation so much so that he has forgot how to behave in a social setting. This is especially true for the modern Indian families hailing from small towns.

Let us understand the concept with 3 simple steps:

1. A gradual process of change

If you're in your 20's, you might've witnessed the trend shifting from joint families to nuclear families in your own houses. As every generation separates itself with an illusion that everything around them is exactly how they want it, there is a multitude of resulting factors.

The positive: We can allow indulgence in things that weren't previously allowed. Even something as little as what you wear. For instance, my entire extended community wears traditional Indian wear at home & have always wanted me to, too.

Also Read: Could the Internet have Dealt Better with Mental Health Awareness After Sushant Singh Rajput's "Death"?

Being in the comfort of my own home, my parents do not force me to do what I don't want. They even allowed me to change my city, drawing criticism from the community (how can you let your girl be free, yada yada yada).

I had the liberty to liberate myself from the viewpoint of my own community, neighbours, etc. Alas, that's not the reality on ground but just a result of disassociation from it. Simply because I could!

2. The immediate change

As humans became more and more disconnected to their own tribe… BAMM! Governments across the planet lock them down with these very same people that they cannot even relate to anymore.

Ofcourse, there's no window to escape with schools and colleges being shut down, jobs getting taken away, lack of ability to cook our own meals in absence of movement of our house-helpers, etc. So many of us had to move back to our (comparatively regressive) hometowns.

The very same thing we disassociated from is now once again being thrown into our faces with a 24/7 exposure!

3. The result

A pan-human mental health crisis occurring primarily in societies that underwent massive changes in the original societal structures.

For instance, if you never felt comfortable about the regressive views of your grandparents or even parents in some instances, being away from home made it easier. Lack of direct interaction was your number one resort to cut off those triggers.

Also Read: An Open Letter to My Parents for If & When I Get Married

What can I do about it now?

Constantly remind yourself that you're an active participant of several future research papers for mental health professionals. Experiencing behavioural/personality clashes with yourselves or those around on a mass scale like this doesn't happen every now and then. 

You have an opportunity to make the most out of this rarest of the rare humanitarian crisis. However you choose to deal with the situation now can create history. Yes, YOU have the power now.

In a scenario where we are losing our jobs, it has become empirical for us to improvise on the plans. A lot of things are going to change and won't be the same as they were before.

Choose wisely about picking up a track for your future

Keep updating yourself with the news and affairs of whatever industry seems the most relevant to you. You belong to an era that would go in the history books of sorts so make the most of it by being innovative in your approach.

Even if those plans cannot be implemented now, indulge yourself in the long and tedious procedure of collecting information, planning & strategy. I understand that it could be difficult given the scenario at home, but you gotta give your dreams and aspirations a go.

Make it a now or never situation. Goodluck!

I am running an online campaign #BreakTheStigma to collect signatures from people who wished they had a mental health counsellor in their schools. Contribute by signing the petition here.

An Open Letter to My Indian Parents for If & When I Get Married

    Dear Mom & Dad,

It’s happening. I’m finally old enough to commit legally to another family. Have, another family. It’s been a long journey that we’ve travelled together til here and as much as I’m anxious about the next journey with this new guy (or girl, hah!) by my side, I’m also VERY anxious about this days long ‘ceremony’ that’s expected of us.

Ever since I was a child, I’ve been telling you that I do not wish to have an elaborate one because it’s quite meaningless for someone who grew up with you. Two hardworking people whose entire lives have revolved around their respective careers and upbringing us. Me, didi and bhaiya.

You were never religious or cared enough to drag us to any of the ceremonies in our own community, ever since we were little. Honestly, I’m pretty clueless about almost all of those rituals, as i’m sure you are, too.

So what happens next? Somewhere between the years when you were working hard for that tender, papa.. and you learnt how to operate every single application on MS Office, mom, a lot of other changes did occur. For example, many of my friends sprung their own careers out of opportunities in what has now become, an industry.

Yeah, marriage has become an even more elaborate industry now, than it used to be in your time.

For families like us, that have been on shaming-radar of our own community, apparently for not getting married us sooner, there’s a new system in place. They’re called wedding-planners. They’ll manage everything from the fireworks for when my groom (/bride) and I would be exchanging var-malas on the excessively blingy and shimmery spinning-elevated platform-cum-stage to the drone-videography of that event.

Ofcourse, in older times, we would’ve had to depend on our extended family members to manage all of this. And given their lack of faith in us because of my delayed (possibly non-consensual with them) marriage, they might desert us. And hence, these wedding event managers would definitely be our saviours.

Also Read: Fiction was my best friend as a child, but it’s a blessing and a curse at the same time...

But here’s the thing, mom and dad. All of the things they plan are done keeping in mind the ‘trends’. There’ll be pre-wedding shoots, a shot of you and I hugging, before my Vidai, dad. Oh there’ll be hundreds and thousands of pictures taken. Re-takes, because, it’s mandatory they get the appropriate angle for my non-photogenic face *smh*.

And here’s what the problem is, we’d be spending god-knows how many ‘kilograms’ of rupees (Ahemmm, pun only because, Digital India) on something that your daughter sucks at.

Your daughter hates getting clicked.

Your daughter hates looking at, posing for the camera.

Your daughter hates fireworks.

Your daughter hates excessively crowded places, let alone a situation where she’s the centre of all attraction. Oh, I’m pretty sure I’ll either run away or faint because of a panic attack and not knowing what to do with so many strangers staring right into my eyes or my ‘get-up’.

They’ll have exclusive music tracks for every single footstep that I would be taking. Remixes, even. I grew up with you. I blasted Green Day and The Cure when I was 11, at home. By the next 10 years, I was exploring the shit out of “I’m Cyborg But It’s Okay” Youtube channel. I will not be able to take it, those remixes while spinning on an elevated platform, putting the var-mala around my partner’s neck. I might as well strangle him (/her) in anger to make it stop.

Also Read: You're opting for Arts? Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind!

How are we going to survive this? We’re both stuck in the middle. Sometime when the trend shifted from being 'extremely religious+respected' to 'extremely religious+trendy+trumpet-gloat-glory', in regards to getting married, you and I were lost somewhere in our own worlds. We’ve become aliens and I do not know how we’re going to overcome this major hurdle before I can happily start this beautiful new phase of my life.

Yours Truly,

An Anxious Daughter with no regrets whatsoever

but only love for how you’ve raised me up.

Question: How Do You Define A Good Piece Of Art?

My lame attempt at a Maieutic (Socratic) Response: "What is Art?"

For me, it is an expression manifested in form of a piece of literature, a song, a video clip, a photograph, a painting. But that's not it!

Good art has to be capable enough to:

• start a dialogue; trigger an action or reaction,
• generate different views from a different sect(s) of people &
• generate a set of views (conflicting or non-conflicting in nature) from the very same person

In my opinion, interpretation is always best left upon the audience. It derives maximum reaction to it this way, with a prerequisite of it being an EXCELLENT piece of work!

Miley Cyrus, a pop artist (who millions of girls have seen on TV as Hannah Montana in our teen years) dropped her much anticipated and teased new music video with Mark Ronson this morning (at 5:30 AM in my country, LOL).

It goes by the name ‘Nothing Breaks Like A Heart’!

First Impression of Miley's song:
Must be about a heartbreak. (Oh, wait. This isn't Taylor Swift, pfft. Boo!)

Second Thought:
Could be about how she lost her beloved Malibu beach-house (the one that she's previously written a song about) and Rainbowland Studio, in the recent Woolsey Fire. Her house, where she lived with her loving fiancé, Liam, burned down to ashes. (Hence, the lyrics "This burning house, there's nothing left").

A closer look at the (now deleted) 9 mini-teasers Miley had posted on Instagram:

1. A broken heart hung from the ceiling (could be inspired from the WRECKING BALL?)
2. A little girl playing with bullets
3. A stranded car with numerous toys laying about in the room
4. Lustful gaze of a man at a stripper performing in a club
5. Protesters with placards "All Or Nothing", "Fight for Miley"
6. 2 little girls standing in a firing range, pointing & nodding at the prop-board (these boards little girl figurines, not the usual ones of a man)
7. More protesters and placards (the one with '#MeToo'.... is it a man, a lady, a trans? You decide)
8. A car being chased by numerous police cars and a helicopter

Lets get to the video itself:

My Interpretation of the music video:

(Everything is a personal interpretation, especially those in green)

It begins with a car chase.

It's been made clear at the very start that "the destination remains unknown". People, supporters alongside the roads, standing with placards that state "We Are Miley" "Fight for Miley". She's referring to herself as a metaphor, perhaps. The 'various law enforcement vehicles' are chasing her vehicle.

There's a bunch of Christian nuns standing in support. Next, we see a strip club and numerous girls performing. There's a priest here. A man who has been introduced before. He has a lustful gaze.

Meanwhile... the lyrics,

"We're broken, we're broken,

Mmm, well nothing, nothing, nothing gon' save us now"

Next, Miley's looking right into the camera, as she sings these lines-

"Well, there's broken silence

By thunder crashing in the dark (Crash in the dark)

And this broken record

Spin endless circles in the bar (Spin 'round in the bar)"

Something about Miley's gaze towards the camera and the content of these lyrics make me think if she's referring to this song as the one that's gonna do rounds in these very bars, and is a call for these strippers to 'break their silence'.

Her car crashes through a wall. This is my favourite part. I interpret it as the wall of Ignorance, breaking apart, to reveal what's actually happening inside. We see two young girls standing on the other side of this wall. These 2 happy girls (engaged in clicking pictures of themselves with filters, the filter of social validation?) represent innocence that exists outside of these walls, perhaps. Completely unaware about what's happening inside.

Next, the car breaks into a second wall where there are 2 under-training girls in the dark alley, separated by this wall, of neglect towards the 'darkness' that this alley is representing. The darkness is a metaphor for the circumstances that led upto it. From innocence, to violence.

Could this represent mental health? Lack of recognition of severity of the situation? That's how I interpret it. Young children exposed to 'social validation' at a very ripe age, turning them from the victims of that darkness, to the culprits behind another form of darkness: Gun Violence, happening inside schools.

Miley, representing all of us, who're willing to take an action, stands in the way of these bullets being shot at their own peers (metaphorically represented by those unusual shooting placards).

Next up, another crash into yet another wall that shelters two female lovers in a hot tub. Chasing by the 'law-enforcement' continues.

We spot a man here in the crowd, with "Miley For President" tattoos. No, it's highly unlikely that Miley's gonna stand against Trump despite having openly opined against him multiple times.

When Trump was first elected president, a crying footage of her had surfaced. A very bold interview with Billboard magazine soon after. Although she did make it clear in that interview that she wanted to be taken seriously, and that's when she decided to get past the hippie-pop phase.

Another metaphorical message for all of us? This Miley standing for what she's voiced against time to time, aka, the Trump ideology.

(This very moment that we speak of this breaking-walls metaphor... there's the Mexico-American border thing going on. Now I don't really have a stand for or against this one. Migration is a pretty serious issue, for any given country.

I think that it needs to be pondered upon that WHY HAS MEXICO COME TO THIS POINT where emigrants do not care about being open-fired at! What has been happening in that country, and why isn't this debate replacing the entire anti-or-pro Trump debate altogether? Is one country's supremacy so much important as to over-shadow the actual cause of the consequent debate?)

There's more, NFL players kneeling in support of the car, as it approaches towards the 'destination unknown'.

Prison inmates, fighting over, hugging, clutching on to the toys we saw in the teaser. They're soft toys. What do these American prison inmates represent? Tell me what you think in the comments section below!

The car finally crashes. Miley and Mark approach the protesters where she's finally crucified to this car, something that she stood for.

Some major themes that Miley and Mark covered in this 4 minute video, and how they’re related to the Indian context:

1. Religious fanatics and all the problems that they lead up to
   
   Corruption within these ‘sacred’ bodies, sponsorship to moral policing with utter disregard to self-policing, etc
   
   
2. The un-defined code of moral social conduct
   
   The issue of 'appropriateness' when it comes to clothes, behaviour, respect towards certain people of certain professions (Strippers, Sex-workers)
   
   Who exactly is supposed to be the judge of these said morals?
   
   
3. All that is wrong (or, right. You decide) with the #MeToo campaign
   
   
4. LGBTQ Supreme Court Judgement: scraping of Article 377
   
   And the rightist-rage/lack of ground level recognition & acceptance towards it
   
   
5. Gun violence isn’t an issue in India, yet
   
   But incidents like the Ryan International, Gurugram incident with the DEPRESSED school kids (I cannot stress this enough)
   
   
6. This artist has been criticised so widely against the “wild” phase of her life: which is something every Indian kid is put through!
   
   In light of constant scrutinising of every action by the society.. how is one supposed to grow, if not by experiments or trial and error, or whatever approach one deems to consider as right for themselves?

What's your take on the video?

Also Read: An Open Letter to My Parents for If & When I Get Married

I Meant It When I Said I'm Leaving The Title Empty!

Can you recall the last time you read a funny statement, in a not so funny, but very very serious piece of text printed in commercial ink, on a paper?

I do. It was yesterday.

After MONTHS.

Now, can you recall the last time a meme made you LOL when you were actually pretty depressed?

Woah... all the time, right? Probably the very last thing that happened before you stumbled across this long ass post. Hell, our feeds are flooded with memes about memes being our saviours. Now, let us talk about that part in the last paragraph where we normalised a severe problem- depression. What's there to talk about? Well, a lot.

Few years ago, back in high school.. an 8th grader, couple years junior to us committed suicide. That doesn't sound unfamiliar or strange if you think about it, right? No matter what school you went to. It's SO common. While I did not know that junior personally.. I can recall a not-very-old incident of a close uncle, my father's childhood friend and business partner for decades, haven taken his life. It reminds me of a statement made by a teacher when the case of that junior was still afresh.

India desperately needs to borrow an element from the western culture.. that of having psychological counsellors in all of our schools and institutions. And they gotta be efficient in their work!

(Pun time: pls no caste reservations for this job profile pls haa GOI!)

It's a need, long been neglected. That was years ago and I can only marvel at the foresight of the woman.. now that I've grown up and know what she was talking about.

All of us happen to know somebody from our immediate family or friend circle having at least ATTEMPTED it. It's the second leading cause of death in our generation (15-29 year olds, as per a WHO report, dated August 2018). Mind you, this takes into account ONLY the reported SUCCESSFUL suicide cases, given the stigma around this cause.

As put forward by Yuval N. Harari, human being is already on the path to that future where we would be able to control how we feel, by having done enough progress in the field of biochemistry. But that is a long, long way to go, at least for being accessible to each one of us. So, definitely, relying on the scientists for this would not be a great idea, at least for now. Sure, we've got plenty options now from the medical field. But-

1. Not everybody is lucky enough to get recognised and counselled.
2. It needs constant supervision (lack of which, generally, has driven them to this point).
3. Why make our bodies a slave to these induced hormones. It is known to drive some of us to the point of no return.

Take that random girl's comment that I came across on a purely visually aesthetic music video on YouTube, as an example. She wrote how it was a typical boring day listening to it, on acid with her pals & how her previous generations would experience kaleidoscopic and sexual blast on LSD. From the looks of it, she was probably on it when she wrote it.

Our societies, relationship with peers and families are going through massive transitions. If you or your (grand/)parents have not already experienced it, you SOON might.

(Well, if you hadn't noticed already.. "Dysfunctional Families" is now a Netflix genre!)

It is bound to have psychological repercussions, and there is no escape. You could however, learn how to deal with it in the best possible way. You could seek help (professional or from your circle) but in absence of that, which generally is the case.. you have to do that yourself.

There is no point in dwelling over the agony or observations that nothing is working in your favour. There is really a very slight possibility, if any, that you will not make it through, after having given your best, and then some more.

Yuval also pointed out in his masterpiece of a book, about the electronic algorithms that have taken over our online behavioural traits. Mankind has had a history to approach priests and astrologers to know if a partner is (/not) good for them. Then came the theory of trusting your heart, feelings and instincts. Soon the electronic algorithms will know us better than we do, even biochemically.

But what choice do I have now? In this very moment, how do I tell if I should be friends with this person? The answer is EXPERIENCE. You'll make mistakes. A lot of them.

"One of the patterns of mistakes I have learnt from is, realising everybody around me will not be able to help me out. It is the hard truth, but nobody owes it to me. I cannot blame them for not being around. That does not necessarily make them bad friends. Perhaps they are dealing with a battle themselves in that moment. I have to deal with mine and learn to not hold it against them. Each friend could be a different kind of a friend (but it should be a good different kind). I do not have to tolerate every person around me in my moments of vulnerability, even in the name of friendship."

Not every friend or acquaintance is good for me.

I might have to be that person saying NO in some cases. It is very essential to root out the negative friends for our growth and stability. Friendship HAS TO BE a 2-way thing. No ifs and buts. By observing patterns, we've to learn what is best for us. It requires some people to hit rock bottom before realising some essential lesson themselves. Do not beat yourself up about it. Specially when in a severely bad phase yourself, do not indulge with the negativity around you. It is possible for it to go either of the two ways- healing for the both of you, or just the opposite.

"Know and act upon what your instincts tell you. Are they really worth losing your mental peace about? Are they around when you need help? That will help you in deciding whether or not to stick around every time they cry help. And honestly, if that is the one time they're around, SHUT.THEM.OUT. right f***ing now!"

I know I keep mentioning my Nani every now and then. She is a really old woman. I would not say age-wise.. because people do live up to their 90s. She is nearly 2 decades younger but I have seen her age like anything after my Nana passed away. Watching her slip into a depression has taught me that even the strongest of us lose a hold of ourselves sometimes. But here is a little something that this terribly sad incident made me experience. My Nana was a happy person, despite an incurable, indisposable termite residing with them in the house. He asked us to eat healthy and do yoga. I never took it seriously. To honour his memory, I initiated one of them, and my inner self has never been more at peace than now.

Take some off-screen time.

I wrote this piece of writing, on paper. This is the first time I have done it for a blog post. Although I would admit, one reason I did it is because of the shitty Mojave OS update that would not let me use my laptop without plugging in the power adapter at all times.. (for the love of your reputation as an almost $1 trillion company.. FIX IT, TIM!)

But anyway, it ended up saving me a lot of time, and was soft on my eyes, unlike the uncomfortable mind-numbing hours of editing on screen. It gives you time to indulge in activities that you used to love pre technology era. That excitement has got submerged by the hundreds of thousands of miles of scrolling that our index fingers have been doing over the years. Take social media detoxes every now and then, if not entirely and forever. How ironical, I made you read such a long post on a screen. But I'm going off now! Wait, before I post a link to this on every platform! xD