Fiction was my best friend as a child, but it’s a blessing and a curse at the same time...

I read my first novel in 3rd grade. It was a thriller/mystery. Reading as a hobby has been in my family for at least 2 generations now. In fact, my 2 siblings and I have inherited the exact taste in genre as my father!

Our school library only lent books to students in grade 6 and above. But since I had an elder sister with the very same hobby, I got an access to a huge collection of fiction books, way more early than the other kids.

Scholastic book fairs became sorta religious for us. We even borrowed unusual number of books from our friends who didn’t like reading much.

And the only stall we visited in our small town’s annual trade fair was: the book stall. Where else could you find a plethora of second-hand books at such cheap rates?

About a decade back.. my sister, brother and I wanted to place an online order for a few books from our favourite author that the three of us had been waiting to lay our hands on since ages! Mom and dad asked us to wait til the finals got over. But we couldn’t wait...

So we searched for pirated copies on the internet. We then sneaked into dad’s office and printed 3 novels that day! We got a big-ass lecture and (well-deserved) verbal thrashing for wasting so much paper.

My favourite author, Sir only-wrote-18-books-and-passed-away became a god-sent for an introvert child like me, who spent almost no outdoor time as an adolescent.

All of his books had a strong female protagonist as the lead character. These books took me to places and times that I had only read about in History and Geography books. The insane amount of detailing when it came to human psychology used to make me gasp with surprise

Unlike most kids, by the time I was in 9th grade, I knew what Multiple Personality Disorder was. I never gave another genres a serious try. They weren’t just worth it after I’d swam in the murder-mystery-fiction waters.

I always had my head in the clouds growing up, living in a parallel universe. I’d be sitting in the school bus dreaming about going to a school, very different than mine. Where there was sub-par infrastructure and much more cooler people around.

I wouldn’t call it all bad, because at the very young age of 9 years, I had planned a novel with my two best friends. We divided the tasks: who would write it, who would be doing the illustrations, help us get it printed and distributed, and what not!

Also Read: An Open Letter to My Parents for If & When I Get Married

While getting over my very first SO after a non-consensual breakup… every time I had an emotional outbreak and felt like reaching out, fiction helped me become strong and not do it. It took a lot of self-control… almost to the brink of insanity. I’d tell myself that he’s dead, so I can’t do it.

Planned a funeral in my head and everything. Crazy, right? I would not recommend it, even though back then it helped me not step back into a dangerous territory.

Confusing fiction with reality subconsciously became an ugly habit overtime. Every time I was scared of trying something new, I’d tell myself that I do not necessarily need to indulge in it, because life can go on without any possibility of me landing in a similar situation.

I am aware about this habit today, and it still creates problems for me sometimes. Running away from reality only makes acceptance difficult. It’s delusional. And it’s a lot of work to get my brain off that track even when I know I’m doing it.

Have you been in my shoes? If so, when did you realise you were doing it, and how did you get rid of it? Let me know in the comments below! :)

Also Read: Question: How Do You Define A Good Piece Of Art?

The Pandemic's Psychological Implications on Small Town People

Stressed from the home quarantine more than the actual virus itself? It makes complete sense if you're one of those wanting to escape your home. This feeling even has a medical term to address itself: Cabin Fever.

Because of this odd healthcare emergency, a huge proportion of human race has been confined to wherever they were, at an extremely short notice with no preparation whatsoever! Ofcourse, with no exception to toxic houses and relationships.

What is Cabin Fever & how real is it?

Had we been given enough time to deal with the situation, some of us would've preferred to be elsewhere. But what's done cannot be changed. You didn't have enough time or a prior understanding so do not feel sorry about it and maybe try to get a deeper understanding of the concept.

Why is living indoors with the people we love so difficult?

If you feel a claustrophobic emotion with your own loved ones, and feel like walking out of the 4 walls after every single fight with a cohabiter, it is pretty normal. Even those couples who have been happily married for decades are experiencing constant exposure to negative energy around them.

Why? Well, largely because most of us used to keep ourselves surrounded with a work environment including daily commutes to work places, having a social circle interested in the same hobbies and leisure activities like us, etc. But now it's all taken away from us!

That is one explanation or a meaning behind our heightened irrational decision-making & incapable coping-mechanisms while staying indoors with our families, friends and spouses. Often leading to undesired clashes because of the minutest issues. We even end up feeling sorry but the chain of reactions doesn't seem to be in our control.

A major shift in our societal structures:

When it comes to communication, man definitely overshadowed all the other species. But that doesn't resonate with the present times because for most of us, we always had an option to walk out whenever our mental state gave us any hints.

My theory is that in some certain civilisations man moved too fast with the advancement of civilisation so much so that he has forgot how to behave in a social setting. This is especially true for the modern Indian families hailing from small towns.

Let us understand the concept with 3 simple steps:

1. A gradual process of change

If you're in your 20's, you might've witnessed the trend shifting from joint families to nuclear families in your own houses. As every generation separates itself with an illusion that everything around them is exactly how they want it, there is a multitude of resulting factors.

The positive: We can allow indulgence in things that weren't previously allowed. Even something as little as what you wear. For instance, my entire extended community wears traditional Indian wear at home & have always wanted me to, too.

Also Read: Could the Internet have Dealt Better with Mental Health Awareness After Sushant Singh Rajput's "Death"?

Being in the comfort of my own home, my parents do not force me to do what I don't want. They even allowed me to change my city, drawing criticism from the community (how can you let your girl be free, yada yada yada).

I had the liberty to liberate myself from the viewpoint of my own community, neighbours, etc. Alas, that's not the reality on ground but just a result of disassociation from it. Simply because I could!

2. The immediate change

As humans became more and more disconnected to their own tribe… BAMM! Governments across the planet lock them down with these very same people that they cannot even relate to anymore.

Ofcourse, there's no window to escape with schools and colleges being shut down, jobs getting taken away, lack of ability to cook our own meals in absence of movement of our house-helpers, etc. So many of us had to move back to our (comparatively regressive) hometowns.

The very same thing we disassociated from is now once again being thrown into our faces with a 24/7 exposure!

3. The result

A pan-human mental health crisis occurring primarily in societies that underwent massive changes in the original societal structures.

For instance, if you never felt comfortable about the regressive views of your grandparents or even parents in some instances, being away from home made it easier. Lack of direct interaction was your number one resort to cut off those triggers.

Also Read: An Open Letter to My Parents for If & When I Get Married

What can I do about it now?

Constantly remind yourself that you're an active participant of several future research papers for mental health professionals. Experiencing behavioural/personality clashes with yourselves or those around on a mass scale like this doesn't happen every now and then. 

You have an opportunity to make the most out of this rarest of the rare humanitarian crisis. However you choose to deal with the situation now can create history. Yes, YOU have the power now.

In a scenario where we are losing our jobs, it has become empirical for us to improvise on the plans. A lot of things are going to change and won't be the same as they were before.

Choose wisely about picking up a track for your future

Keep updating yourself with the news and affairs of whatever industry seems the most relevant to you. You belong to an era that would go in the history books of sorts so make the most of it by being innovative in your approach.

Even if those plans cannot be implemented now, indulge yourself in the long and tedious procedure of collecting information, planning & strategy. I understand that it could be difficult given the scenario at home, but you gotta give your dreams and aspirations a go.

Make it a now or never situation. Goodluck!

I am running an online campaign #BreakTheStigma to collect signatures from people who wished they had a mental health counsellor in their schools. Contribute by signing the petition here.

An Open Letter to My Indian Parents for If & When I Get Married

    Dear Mom & Dad,

It’s happening. I’m finally old enough to commit legally to another family. Have, another family. It’s been a long journey that we’ve travelled together til here and as much as I’m anxious about the next journey with this new guy (or girl, hah!) by my side, I’m also VERY anxious about this days long ‘ceremony’ that’s expected of us.

Ever since I was a child, I’ve been telling you that I do not wish to have an elaborate one because it’s quite meaningless for someone who grew up with you. Two hardworking people whose entire lives have revolved around their respective careers and upbringing us. Me, didi and bhaiya.

You were never religious or cared enough to drag us to any of the ceremonies in our own community, ever since we were little. Honestly, I’m pretty clueless about almost all of those rituals, as i’m sure you are, too.

So what happens next? Somewhere between the years when you were working hard for that tender, papa.. and you learnt how to operate every single application on MS Office, mom, a lot of other changes did occur. For example, many of my friends sprung their own careers out of opportunities in what has now become, an industry.

Yeah, marriage has become an even more elaborate industry now, than it used to be in your time.

For families like us, that have been on shaming-radar of our own community, apparently for not getting married us sooner, there’s a new system in place. They’re called wedding-planners. They’ll manage everything from the fireworks for when my groom (/bride) and I would be exchanging var-malas on the excessively blingy and shimmery spinning-elevated platform-cum-stage to the drone-videography of that event.

Ofcourse, in older times, we would’ve had to depend on our extended family members to manage all of this. And given their lack of faith in us because of my delayed (possibly non-consensual with them) marriage, they might desert us. And hence, these wedding event managers would definitely be our saviours.

Also Read: Fiction was my best friend as a child, but it’s a blessing and a curse at the same time...

But here’s the thing, mom and dad. All of the things they plan are done keeping in mind the ‘trends’. There’ll be pre-wedding shoots, a shot of you and I hugging, before my Vidai, dad. Oh there’ll be hundreds and thousands of pictures taken. Re-takes, because, it’s mandatory they get the appropriate angle for my non-photogenic face *smh*.

And here’s what the problem is, we’d be spending god-knows how many ‘kilograms’ of rupees (Ahemmm, pun only because, Digital India) on something that your daughter sucks at.

Your daughter hates getting clicked.

Your daughter hates looking at, posing for the camera.

Your daughter hates fireworks.

Your daughter hates excessively crowded places, let alone a situation where she’s the centre of all attraction. Oh, I’m pretty sure I’ll either run away or faint because of a panic attack and not knowing what to do with so many strangers staring right into my eyes or my ‘get-up’.

They’ll have exclusive music tracks for every single footstep that I would be taking. Remixes, even. I grew up with you. I blasted Green Day and The Cure when I was 11, at home. By the next 10 years, I was exploring the shit out of “I’m Cyborg But It’s Okay” Youtube channel. I will not be able to take it, those remixes while spinning on an elevated platform, putting the var-mala around my partner’s neck. I might as well strangle him (/her) in anger to make it stop.

Also Read: You're opting for Arts? Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind!

How are we going to survive this? We’re both stuck in the middle. Sometime when the trend shifted from being 'extremely religious+respected' to 'extremely religious+trendy+trumpet-gloat-glory', in regards to getting married, you and I were lost somewhere in our own worlds. We’ve become aliens and I do not know how we’re going to overcome this major hurdle before I can happily start this beautiful new phase of my life.

Yours Truly,

An Anxious Daughter with no regrets whatsoever

but only love for how you’ve raised me up.