Dealing With The Corona Virus Pandemic Anxiety

What a sudden and strange turn our lives have took over the last couple of months. 2020 couldn't have been more unpredictable.

A lot of us lost our jobs, failed to be one of those who could secure a work-from-home, our exams got postponed, school and college degrees got stuck.

Some of us had the exact opposite plans for 2020, specially those of us in our early 20’s. Pandemic disrupted all of our lives pretty hard. So many of us are sitting at home worried, anxious & clueless about when it’s going to be alright again.

Well, nobody knows… so what do we do??

 

I overthink way too much. It sometimes gets out of my hands so much that I lose track of the reality. 

Do you guys remember the loud animal howls that filled the urban silence when the lockdown was first imposed? It was then that all of this pandemic stuff got too real for me.

I remember waking up one day and taking a shower right after because my head was exploding with thoughts as soon as I woke up. I had an anxiety attack right there in the washroom.

I was too scared to step out. My mind somehow got cluttered with pretty ridiculous thoughts.

“these noises must be coming from that slum dwelling right behind the house… yup, that’s where it’s coming from. Did somebody die… that would explain the crying… shall I go look?

Why is nobody else from the house up yet? These noises are insane… what if the virus gets out of control, I’d soon have to hear all of this from every corner of the city! Oh, there’s more… Why are they howling like animals? What do I do…. Somebody shut it down, please shut it down…”

I couldn’t get out of the washroom. I sat there even after having taken my bath.

It’s been 3 months now. I don’t get scared like that anymore. But it was awful. I’m still not able to step out of the house even if it is to meet my friends who I know are quarantining well enough.

Also Read: Could the Internet have Dealt Better with Mental Health Awareness After Sushant Singh Rajput's "Death"?

I never liked my house. The home, is fine. But the house… it’s got no windows, none at all. I loved the freedom I enjoyed for the last 5 years, when I didn’t have to live in my hometown.

While I did prepare myself for the worst, things have been this way for too long now. I try to take my energy out by doing what I like the most. At some point, even that gets boring, but I don’t see any point in giving myself any free time. I know my little brain will explode with thoughts if I take a look at the newspaper.

Buddha says ‘do not dwell in the past’.

However, these are those exceptional times where I have taken the liberty of changing the quotation as per my own terms!

DO NOT DWELL IN THE PRESENT.

I’m trying to make plans for the future already. Something that I never did because I was too scared to dream big.

How are you dealing with this pandemic anxiety?

Could the Internet have Dealt Better with Mental Health Awareness After Sushant Singh Rajput's "Death"?

Sushant Singh Rajput, a perfect-in-every-sense celebrity "allegedly" commits suicide and what follows is an online nation-wide outcry on the internet. It was mostly about how humans need to be more kind, open and shall speak up about their mental health issues.

If you were one of those people who realised that they need to be a better friend and make amends to people that you weren't previously kind enough to, this article is for you.

The internet missed out on a very important point: having a clear reality check about all the possible outcomes that could emerge out of this. Do so within your own limits, knowing that your actions will not unintentionally lead to unfortunate, unpredictable, irreversible traumatic incidents, of course.

Know how much to do, when to do and where to stop. Do not indulge in anything that could create more problems.

How? To understand this you need to analyse circumstances. I'll try my best, but it goes way beyond the contents of this little post and my own emotional intelligence.

Why do people with deteriorating mental health have a hard time opening up about their issues?

People who do not speak up about their mental health often do so because of a fear, that they wouldn't be understood. It is impractical for us to expect these people to open up ALL OF A SUDDEN.

Perhaps they did try to speak out before. Maybe that is what led to even more trauma for them: the behavioural reactions of an unprepared, immature friend/colleague/family member.

Even if they do it, are you sure you're capable and strong enough to hear what they're going to unload Horrifying unheard stories can be traumatising for both people, the one who shares, and the one who listens to them for the first time.

Elaborating with an example ahead

(Sexual Harassment trigger warning)

Your cousin finally opens up to you about an old sexual harassment experience that they underwent. This was the very first time they've opened up. They could be shivering, they could be fumbling with words to speak up. All too much for you to process and understand. After all, you've never seen that side of them. While you try to politely listen, you realise that you didn't go through any of those horrifying experiences.

It makes complete sense if you have no clue about how to react.

But, your cousin might have had to collect immense amount of courage to speak up. So it's very natural for them to expect a reaction.

Also Read: Dealing With the Coronavirus Pandemic Anxiety in 2020

You'll be doing more harm than good, if the reaction comes out wrong or even as slightly insignificant. They will have to gather even more courage the next time they do it.

And here's another instance...

What if YOU have been a subject of a similar unfortunate incident yourselves? What if, YOU never got over it yourself? What if them confessing these things lands YOU in a dangerous situation, by triggering YOUR unresolved traumas?

Both of you would be shattered at once if it comes out unpredictably, right? Who would be responsible then?

Before promising all your support to your friends, please know that you are also allowed to create your boundaries. You're only human. Recommend a doctor if you feel very early on in the conversation that your help wouldn't be adequate in some particular matter.

Why not effectively raise our voice instead, to demand a strong mental health support system?

We all have little cousins who are undergoing trauma as we speak and repost things online. No amount of kindness can replace professional therapy.

Try to persuade your own families first, about how visiting a therapist does NOT make one mentally-ill. It's a long way to go from here, to the governments actually making this a priority: mass employment of psychologists and counsellors in every educational institute, right from kindergarten.

Isn't that what's the norm in the western world? Isn't that a way more effective way to do something about mental health, rather than risking something that might lead to a multiplicity of unfortunate incidents?

Every human is not equipped with a perfect balance of kindness, because every person has their own unresolved issues. Human psychology is really, really more complicated than one would think. You cannot have an answer to everything. What you can do is, normalise the trend in your own houses, schools and colleges first.

Also read: Fiction was my best friend as a child, but it’s a blessing and a curse at the same time...

Yeah, that's step one. Second would be, visiting your alma-mater's staff, principals, HODs to tell them that they HAVE TO employ a counsellor for the upcoming batches, no matter what.

If you wish your school/alma-mater had a mental health professional, sign this link.

I take pride in belonging to a school dedicated to girls. Sophia school was my alma-mater for all 14 years of my school life. My mother had to fight to get me & my sister admitted to a good institution. Yet, I believe.. this school wasn’t enough because you got home to a community that wasn’t the same.

I wish I had an early access to a mental health counsellor. It wouldn’t have rendered me feeling hopeless in the cruelest of phases when I knew I needed a doctor but didn’t know how and whom to reach out to.

My mother has been a government teacher for 25 years now. She tells me, government institutions do not have any posts/vacancies for psychologists. Understandable. How can the government find one good counsellor when there’s no availability of good subject teachers.

Private institutions MUST accept that a counsellor in every institution is the need of the hour. The more we delay this, the more broken generations we are raising up.

It’s a cycle. It won’t stop. Mental health professionals exist for a reason, after all.

I cannot go back to my school with this demand because I’m emotionally weak. I don’t know who I would be dealing with, how kind the person on the other end would be. I will however, help you if you wish to take a stand. I will help you out with everything that I’m good with (including writing a very strong-worded letter to my own alma-mater).

Fiction was my best friend as a child, but it’s a blessing and a curse at the same time...

I read my first novel in 3rd grade. It was a thriller/mystery. Reading as a hobby has been in my family for at least 2 generations now. In fact, my 2 siblings and I have inherited the exact taste in genre as my father!

Our school library only lent books to students in grade 6 and above. But since I had an elder sister with the very same hobby, I got an access to a huge collection of fiction books, way more early than the other kids.

Scholastic book fairs became sorta religious for us. We even borrowed unusual number of books from our friends who didn’t like reading much.

And the only stall we visited in our small town’s annual trade fair was: the book stall. Where else could you find a plethora of second-hand books at such cheap rates?

About a decade back.. my sister, brother and I wanted to place an online order for a few books from our favourite author that the three of us had been waiting to lay our hands on since ages! Mom and dad asked us to wait til the finals got over. But we couldn’t wait...

So we searched for pirated copies on the internet. We then sneaked into dad’s office and printed 3 novels that day! We got a big-ass lecture and (well-deserved) verbal thrashing for wasting so much paper.

My favourite author, Sir only-wrote-18-books-and-passed-away became a god-sent for an introvert child like me, who spent almost no outdoor time as an adolescent.

All of his books had a strong female protagonist as the lead character. These books took me to places and times that I had only read about in History and Geography books. The insane amount of detailing when it came to human psychology used to make me gasp with surprise

Unlike most kids, by the time I was in 9th grade, I knew what Multiple Personality Disorder was. I never gave another genres a serious try. They weren’t just worth it after I’d swam in the murder-mystery-fiction waters.

I always had my head in the clouds growing up, living in a parallel universe. I’d be sitting in the school bus dreaming about going to a school, very different than mine. Where there was sub-par infrastructure and much more cooler people around.

I wouldn’t call it all bad, because at the very young age of 9 years, I had planned a novel with my two best friends. We divided the tasks: who would write it, who would be doing the illustrations, help us get it printed and distributed, and what not!

Also Read: An Open Letter to My Parents for If & When I Get Married

While getting over my very first SO after a non-consensual breakup… every time I had an emotional outbreak and felt like reaching out, fiction helped me become strong and not do it. It took a lot of self-control… almost to the brink of insanity. I’d tell myself that he’s dead, so I can’t do it.

Planned a funeral in my head and everything. Crazy, right? I would not recommend it, even though back then it helped me not step back into a dangerous territory.

Confusing fiction with reality subconsciously became an ugly habit overtime. Every time I was scared of trying something new, I’d tell myself that I do not necessarily need to indulge in it, because life can go on without any possibility of me landing in a similar situation.

I am aware about this habit today, and it still creates problems for me sometimes. Running away from reality only makes acceptance difficult. It’s delusional. And it’s a lot of work to get my brain off that track even when I know I’m doing it.

Have you been in my shoes? If so, when did you realise you were doing it, and how did you get rid of it? Let me know in the comments below! :)

Also Read: Question: How Do You Define A Good Piece Of Art?

The Pandemic's Psychological Implications on Small Town People

Stressed from the home quarantine more than the actual virus itself? It makes complete sense if you're one of those wanting to escape your home. This feeling even has a medical term to address itself: Cabin Fever.

Because of this odd healthcare emergency, a huge proportion of human race has been confined to wherever they were, at an extremely short notice with no preparation whatsoever! Ofcourse, with no exception to toxic houses and relationships.

What is Cabin Fever & how real is it?

Had we been given enough time to deal with the situation, some of us would've preferred to be elsewhere. But what's done cannot be changed. You didn't have enough time or a prior understanding so do not feel sorry about it and maybe try to get a deeper understanding of the concept.

Why is living indoors with the people we love so difficult?

If you feel a claustrophobic emotion with your own loved ones, and feel like walking out of the 4 walls after every single fight with a cohabiter, it is pretty normal. Even those couples who have been happily married for decades are experiencing constant exposure to negative energy around them.

Why? Well, largely because most of us used to keep ourselves surrounded with a work environment including daily commutes to work places, having a social circle interested in the same hobbies and leisure activities like us, etc. But now it's all taken away from us!

That is one explanation or a meaning behind our heightened irrational decision-making & incapable coping-mechanisms while staying indoors with our families, friends and spouses. Often leading to undesired clashes because of the minutest issues. We even end up feeling sorry but the chain of reactions doesn't seem to be in our control.

A major shift in our societal structures:

When it comes to communication, man definitely overshadowed all the other species. But that doesn't resonate with the present times because for most of us, we always had an option to walk out whenever our mental state gave us any hints.

My theory is that in some certain civilisations man moved too fast with the advancement of civilisation so much so that he has forgot how to behave in a social setting. This is especially true for the modern Indian families hailing from small towns.

Let us understand the concept with 3 simple steps:

1. A gradual process of change

If you're in your 20's, you might've witnessed the trend shifting from joint families to nuclear families in your own houses. As every generation separates itself with an illusion that everything around them is exactly how they want it, there is a multitude of resulting factors.

The positive: We can allow indulgence in things that weren't previously allowed. Even something as little as what you wear. For instance, my entire extended community wears traditional Indian wear at home & have always wanted me to, too.

Also Read: Could the Internet have Dealt Better with Mental Health Awareness After Sushant Singh Rajput's "Death"?

Being in the comfort of my own home, my parents do not force me to do what I don't want. They even allowed me to change my city, drawing criticism from the community (how can you let your girl be free, yada yada yada).

I had the liberty to liberate myself from the viewpoint of my own community, neighbours, etc. Alas, that's not the reality on ground but just a result of disassociation from it. Simply because I could!

2. The immediate change

As humans became more and more disconnected to their own tribe… BAMM! Governments across the planet lock them down with these very same people that they cannot even relate to anymore.

Ofcourse, there's no window to escape with schools and colleges being shut down, jobs getting taken away, lack of ability to cook our own meals in absence of movement of our house-helpers, etc. So many of us had to move back to our (comparatively regressive) hometowns.

The very same thing we disassociated from is now once again being thrown into our faces with a 24/7 exposure!

3. The result

A pan-human mental health crisis occurring primarily in societies that underwent massive changes in the original societal structures.

For instance, if you never felt comfortable about the regressive views of your grandparents or even parents in some instances, being away from home made it easier. Lack of direct interaction was your number one resort to cut off those triggers.

Also Read: An Open Letter to My Parents for If & When I Get Married

What can I do about it now?

Constantly remind yourself that you're an active participant of several future research papers for mental health professionals. Experiencing behavioural/personality clashes with yourselves or those around on a mass scale like this doesn't happen every now and then. 

You have an opportunity to make the most out of this rarest of the rare humanitarian crisis. However you choose to deal with the situation now can create history. Yes, YOU have the power now.

In a scenario where we are losing our jobs, it has become empirical for us to improvise on the plans. A lot of things are going to change and won't be the same as they were before.

Choose wisely about picking up a track for your future

Keep updating yourself with the news and affairs of whatever industry seems the most relevant to you. You belong to an era that would go in the history books of sorts so make the most of it by being innovative in your approach.

Even if those plans cannot be implemented now, indulge yourself in the long and tedious procedure of collecting information, planning & strategy. I understand that it could be difficult given the scenario at home, but you gotta give your dreams and aspirations a go.

Make it a now or never situation. Goodluck!

I am running an online campaign #BreakTheStigma to collect signatures from people who wished they had a mental health counsellor in their schools. Contribute by signing the petition here.

An Open Letter to My Indian Parents for If & When I Get Married

    Dear Mom & Dad,

It’s happening. I’m finally old enough to commit legally to another family. Have, another family. It’s been a long journey that we’ve travelled together til here and as much as I’m anxious about the next journey with this new guy (or girl, hah!) by my side, I’m also VERY anxious about this days long ‘ceremony’ that’s expected of us.

Ever since I was a child, I’ve been telling you that I do not wish to have an elaborate one because it’s quite meaningless for someone who grew up with you. Two hardworking people whose entire lives have revolved around their respective careers and upbringing us. Me, didi and bhaiya.

You were never religious or cared enough to drag us to any of the ceremonies in our own community, ever since we were little. Honestly, I’m pretty clueless about almost all of those rituals, as i’m sure you are, too.

So what happens next? Somewhere between the years when you were working hard for that tender, papa.. and you learnt how to operate every single application on MS Office, mom, a lot of other changes did occur. For example, many of my friends sprung their own careers out of opportunities in what has now become, an industry.

Yeah, marriage has become an even more elaborate industry now, than it used to be in your time.

For families like us, that have been on shaming-radar of our own community, apparently for not getting married us sooner, there’s a new system in place. They’re called wedding-planners. They’ll manage everything from the fireworks for when my groom (/bride) and I would be exchanging var-malas on the excessively blingy and shimmery spinning-elevated platform-cum-stage to the drone-videography of that event.

Ofcourse, in older times, we would’ve had to depend on our extended family members to manage all of this. And given their lack of faith in us because of my delayed (possibly non-consensual with them) marriage, they might desert us. And hence, these wedding event managers would definitely be our saviours.

Also Read: Fiction was my best friend as a child, but it’s a blessing and a curse at the same time...

But here’s the thing, mom and dad. All of the things they plan are done keeping in mind the ‘trends’. There’ll be pre-wedding shoots, a shot of you and I hugging, before my Vidai, dad. Oh there’ll be hundreds and thousands of pictures taken. Re-takes, because, it’s mandatory they get the appropriate angle for my non-photogenic face *smh*.

And here’s what the problem is, we’d be spending god-knows how many ‘kilograms’ of rupees (Ahemmm, pun only because, Digital India) on something that your daughter sucks at.

Your daughter hates getting clicked.

Your daughter hates looking at, posing for the camera.

Your daughter hates fireworks.

Your daughter hates excessively crowded places, let alone a situation where she’s the centre of all attraction. Oh, I’m pretty sure I’ll either run away or faint because of a panic attack and not knowing what to do with so many strangers staring right into my eyes or my ‘get-up’.

They’ll have exclusive music tracks for every single footstep that I would be taking. Remixes, even. I grew up with you. I blasted Green Day and The Cure when I was 11, at home. By the next 10 years, I was exploring the shit out of “I’m Cyborg But It’s Okay” Youtube channel. I will not be able to take it, those remixes while spinning on an elevated platform, putting the var-mala around my partner’s neck. I might as well strangle him (/her) in anger to make it stop.

Also Read: You're opting for Arts? Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind!

How are we going to survive this? We’re both stuck in the middle. Sometime when the trend shifted from being 'extremely religious+respected' to 'extremely religious+trendy+trumpet-gloat-glory', in regards to getting married, you and I were lost somewhere in our own worlds. We’ve become aliens and I do not know how we’re going to overcome this major hurdle before I can happily start this beautiful new phase of my life.

Yours Truly,

An Anxious Daughter with no regrets whatsoever

but only love for how you’ve raised me up.

Question: How Do You Define A Good Piece Of Art?

My lame attempt at a Maieutic (Socratic) Response: "What is Art?"

For me, it is an expression manifested in form of a piece of literature, a song, a video clip, a photograph, a painting. But that's not it!

Good art has to be capable enough to:

• start a dialogue; trigger an action or reaction,
• generate different views from a different sect(s) of people &
• generate a set of views (conflicting or non-conflicting in nature) from the very same person

In my opinion, interpretation is always best left upon the audience. It derives maximum reaction to it this way, with a prerequisite of it being an EXCELLENT piece of work!

Miley Cyrus, a pop artist (who millions of girls have seen on TV as Hannah Montana in our teen years) dropped her much anticipated and teased new music video with Mark Ronson this morning (at 5:30 AM in my country, LOL).

It goes by the name ‘Nothing Breaks Like A Heart’!

First Impression of Miley's song:
Must be about a heartbreak. (Oh, wait. This isn't Taylor Swift, pfft. Boo!)

Second Thought:
Could be about how she lost her beloved Malibu beach-house (the one that she's previously written a song about) and Rainbowland Studio, in the recent Woolsey Fire. Her house, where she lived with her loving fiancé, Liam, burned down to ashes. (Hence, the lyrics "This burning house, there's nothing left").

A closer look at the (now deleted) 9 mini-teasers Miley had posted on Instagram:

1. A broken heart hung from the ceiling (could be inspired from the WRECKING BALL?)
2. A little girl playing with bullets
3. A stranded car with numerous toys laying about in the room
4. Lustful gaze of a man at a stripper performing in a club
5. Protesters with placards "All Or Nothing", "Fight for Miley"
6. 2 little girls standing in a firing range, pointing & nodding at the prop-board (these boards little girl figurines, not the usual ones of a man)
7. More protesters and placards (the one with '#MeToo'.... is it a man, a lady, a trans? You decide)
8. A car being chased by numerous police cars and a helicopter

Lets get to the video itself:

My Interpretation of the music video:

(Everything is a personal interpretation, especially those in green)

It begins with a car chase.

It's been made clear at the very start that "the destination remains unknown". People, supporters alongside the roads, standing with placards that state "We Are Miley" "Fight for Miley". She's referring to herself as a metaphor, perhaps. The 'various law enforcement vehicles' are chasing her vehicle.

There's a bunch of Christian nuns standing in support. Next, we see a strip club and numerous girls performing. There's a priest here. A man who has been introduced before. He has a lustful gaze.

Meanwhile... the lyrics,

"We're broken, we're broken,

Mmm, well nothing, nothing, nothing gon' save us now"

Next, Miley's looking right into the camera, as she sings these lines-

"Well, there's broken silence

By thunder crashing in the dark (Crash in the dark)

And this broken record

Spin endless circles in the bar (Spin 'round in the bar)"

Something about Miley's gaze towards the camera and the content of these lyrics make me think if she's referring to this song as the one that's gonna do rounds in these very bars, and is a call for these strippers to 'break their silence'.

Her car crashes through a wall. This is my favourite part. I interpret it as the wall of Ignorance, breaking apart, to reveal what's actually happening inside. We see two young girls standing on the other side of this wall. These 2 happy girls (engaged in clicking pictures of themselves with filters, the filter of social validation?) represent innocence that exists outside of these walls, perhaps. Completely unaware about what's happening inside.

Next, the car breaks into a second wall where there are 2 under-training girls in the dark alley, separated by this wall, of neglect towards the 'darkness' that this alley is representing. The darkness is a metaphor for the circumstances that led upto it. From innocence, to violence.

Could this represent mental health? Lack of recognition of severity of the situation? That's how I interpret it. Young children exposed to 'social validation' at a very ripe age, turning them from the victims of that darkness, to the culprits behind another form of darkness: Gun Violence, happening inside schools.

Miley, representing all of us, who're willing to take an action, stands in the way of these bullets being shot at their own peers (metaphorically represented by those unusual shooting placards).

Next up, another crash into yet another wall that shelters two female lovers in a hot tub. Chasing by the 'law-enforcement' continues.

We spot a man here in the crowd, with "Miley For President" tattoos. No, it's highly unlikely that Miley's gonna stand against Trump despite having openly opined against him multiple times.

When Trump was first elected president, a crying footage of her had surfaced. A very bold interview with Billboard magazine soon after. Although she did make it clear in that interview that she wanted to be taken seriously, and that's when she decided to get past the hippie-pop phase.

Another metaphorical message for all of us? This Miley standing for what she's voiced against time to time, aka, the Trump ideology.

(This very moment that we speak of this breaking-walls metaphor... there's the Mexico-American border thing going on. Now I don't really have a stand for or against this one. Migration is a pretty serious issue, for any given country.

I think that it needs to be pondered upon that WHY HAS MEXICO COME TO THIS POINT where emigrants do not care about being open-fired at! What has been happening in that country, and why isn't this debate replacing the entire anti-or-pro Trump debate altogether? Is one country's supremacy so much important as to over-shadow the actual cause of the consequent debate?)

There's more, NFL players kneeling in support of the car, as it approaches towards the 'destination unknown'.

Prison inmates, fighting over, hugging, clutching on to the toys we saw in the teaser. They're soft toys. What do these American prison inmates represent? Tell me what you think in the comments section below!

The car finally crashes. Miley and Mark approach the protesters where she's finally crucified to this car, something that she stood for.

Some major themes that Miley and Mark covered in this 4 minute video, and how they’re related to the Indian context:

1. Religious fanatics and all the problems that they lead up to
   
   Corruption within these ‘sacred’ bodies, sponsorship to moral policing with utter disregard to self-policing, etc
   
   
2. The un-defined code of moral social conduct
   
   The issue of 'appropriateness' when it comes to clothes, behaviour, respect towards certain people of certain professions (Strippers, Sex-workers)
   
   Who exactly is supposed to be the judge of these said morals?
   
   
3. All that is wrong (or, right. You decide) with the #MeToo campaign
   
   
4. LGBTQ Supreme Court Judgement: scraping of Article 377
   
   And the rightist-rage/lack of ground level recognition & acceptance towards it
   
   
5. Gun violence isn’t an issue in India, yet
   
   But incidents like the Ryan International, Gurugram incident with the DEPRESSED school kids (I cannot stress this enough)
   
   
6. This artist has been criticised so widely against the “wild” phase of her life: which is something every Indian kid is put through!
   
   In light of constant scrutinising of every action by the society.. how is one supposed to grow, if not by experiments or trial and error, or whatever approach one deems to consider as right for themselves?

What's your take on the video?

Also Read: An Open Letter to My Parents for If & When I Get Married

I Meant It When I Said I'm Leaving The Title Empty!

Can you recall the last time you read a funny statement, in a not so funny, but very very serious piece of text printed in commercial ink, on a paper?

I do. It was yesterday.

After MONTHS.

Now, can you recall the last time a meme made you LOL when you were actually pretty depressed?

Woah... all the time, right? Probably the very last thing that happened before you stumbled across this long ass post. Hell, our feeds are flooded with memes about memes being our saviours. Now, let us talk about that part in the last paragraph where we normalised a severe problem- depression. What's there to talk about? Well, a lot.

Few years ago, back in high school.. an 8th grader, couple years junior to us committed suicide. That doesn't sound unfamiliar or strange if you think about it, right? No matter what school you went to. It's SO common. While I did not know that junior personally.. I can recall a not-very-old incident of a close uncle, my father's childhood friend and business partner for decades, haven taken his life. It reminds me of a statement made by a teacher when the case of that junior was still afresh.

India desperately needs to borrow an element from the western culture.. that of having psychological counsellors in all of our schools and institutions. And they gotta be efficient in their work!

(Pun time: pls no caste reservations for this job profile pls haa GOI!)

It's a need, long been neglected. That was years ago and I can only marvel at the foresight of the woman.. now that I've grown up and know what she was talking about.

All of us happen to know somebody from our immediate family or friend circle having at least ATTEMPTED it. It's the second leading cause of death in our generation (15-29 year olds, as per a WHO report, dated August 2018). Mind you, this takes into account ONLY the reported SUCCESSFUL suicide cases, given the stigma around this cause.

As put forward by Yuval N. Harari, human being is already on the path to that future where we would be able to control how we feel, by having done enough progress in the field of biochemistry. But that is a long, long way to go, at least for being accessible to each one of us. So, definitely, relying on the scientists for this would not be a great idea, at least for now. Sure, we've got plenty options now from the medical field. But-

1. Not everybody is lucky enough to get recognised and counselled.
2. It needs constant supervision (lack of which, generally, has driven them to this point).
3. Why make our bodies a slave to these induced hormones. It is known to drive some of us to the point of no return.

Take that random girl's comment that I came across on a purely visually aesthetic music video on YouTube, as an example. She wrote how it was a typical boring day listening to it, on acid with her pals & how her previous generations would experience kaleidoscopic and sexual blast on LSD. From the looks of it, she was probably on it when she wrote it.

Our societies, relationship with peers and families are going through massive transitions. If you or your (grand/)parents have not already experienced it, you SOON might.

(Well, if you hadn't noticed already.. "Dysfunctional Families" is now a Netflix genre!)

It is bound to have psychological repercussions, and there is no escape. You could however, learn how to deal with it in the best possible way. You could seek help (professional or from your circle) but in absence of that, which generally is the case.. you have to do that yourself.

There is no point in dwelling over the agony or observations that nothing is working in your favour. There is really a very slight possibility, if any, that you will not make it through, after having given your best, and then some more.

Yuval also pointed out in his masterpiece of a book, about the electronic algorithms that have taken over our online behavioural traits. Mankind has had a history to approach priests and astrologers to know if a partner is (/not) good for them. Then came the theory of trusting your heart, feelings and instincts. Soon the electronic algorithms will know us better than we do, even biochemically.

But what choice do I have now? In this very moment, how do I tell if I should be friends with this person? The answer is EXPERIENCE. You'll make mistakes. A lot of them.

"One of the patterns of mistakes I have learnt from is, realising everybody around me will not be able to help me out. It is the hard truth, but nobody owes it to me. I cannot blame them for not being around. That does not necessarily make them bad friends. Perhaps they are dealing with a battle themselves in that moment. I have to deal with mine and learn to not hold it against them. Each friend could be a different kind of a friend (but it should be a good different kind). I do not have to tolerate every person around me in my moments of vulnerability, even in the name of friendship."

Not every friend or acquaintance is good for me.

I might have to be that person saying NO in some cases. It is very essential to root out the negative friends for our growth and stability. Friendship HAS TO BE a 2-way thing. No ifs and buts. By observing patterns, we've to learn what is best for us. It requires some people to hit rock bottom before realising some essential lesson themselves. Do not beat yourself up about it. Specially when in a severely bad phase yourself, do not indulge with the negativity around you. It is possible for it to go either of the two ways- healing for the both of you, or just the opposite.

"Know and act upon what your instincts tell you. Are they really worth losing your mental peace about? Are they around when you need help? That will help you in deciding whether or not to stick around every time they cry help. And honestly, if that is the one time they're around, SHUT.THEM.OUT. right f***ing now!"

I know I keep mentioning my Nani every now and then. She is a really old woman. I would not say age-wise.. because people do live up to their 90s. She is nearly 2 decades younger but I have seen her age like anything after my Nana passed away. Watching her slip into a depression has taught me that even the strongest of us lose a hold of ourselves sometimes. But here is a little something that this terribly sad incident made me experience. My Nana was a happy person, despite an incurable, indisposable termite residing with them in the house. He asked us to eat healthy and do yoga. I never took it seriously. To honour his memory, I initiated one of them, and my inner self has never been more at peace than now.

Take some off-screen time.

I wrote this piece of writing, on paper. This is the first time I have done it for a blog post. Although I would admit, one reason I did it is because of the shitty Mojave OS update that would not let me use my laptop without plugging in the power adapter at all times.. (for the love of your reputation as an almost $1 trillion company.. FIX IT, TIM!)

But anyway, it ended up saving me a lot of time, and was soft on my eyes, unlike the uncomfortable mind-numbing hours of editing on screen. It gives you time to indulge in activities that you used to love pre technology era. That excitement has got submerged by the hundreds of thousands of miles of scrolling that our index fingers have been doing over the years. Take social media detoxes every now and then, if not entirely and forever. How ironical, I made you read such a long post on a screen. But I'm going off now! Wait, before I post a link to this on every platform! xD

The Best Trip I've Ever Been to: A Decision Taken in under 5 Minutes!

Do you happen to know somebody who did fairly well in their lives in almost every sphere- be it excelling in school or recreational activities, from financial to familial responsibilities? Without question- yes.

But very often, we come across successful people that struggle with mental health issues and it comes as a surprise to us, doesn’t it?

Most people believe that managing to earn a successful high-profile lifestyle might be the key to happiness. But let’s get real- we’re living in the 21st century. The truth is that beneath this facade often lies a grim reality that gets overlooked.

Success and 'having it all' does not always mean happiness

So what is it, that humans are seeking to stay happy and content with their lives?

There’s no one answer to this question, because every person and their circumstances could be very unique for us to decode. What we do know is- people need to detach from the materialist worldly expectations from themselves and their loved ones.

Often, the things that cause a web of unhappiness- unintentional invalidation by the loved ones themselves. Questions like- ‘What’s wrong? Why don’t you snap out of it?’ - only make it worse.

The best decision I've ever taken in under 5 minutes:

Last year I was visiting my friends in the city of Indore. The entire year before this visit had been a difficult time for me. I had just lost a seat in Delhi University for a masters programme that I’d always wanted to get into- by 4, FOUR marks!

Besides that, losing my grandfather to his third heart attack, confusion between preparing for UPSC and getting a job, witnessing the person closest to me (my maternal grandmother) break down- it was a bad time.

The Indore trip wasn’t a planned one. But I’ll tell you what- it was the best decision I’d ever taken in under 5 minutes! On the 4th, and the last day in Indore, we spent an evening at Pyra Healing Garden- located at just 35 kms away from Indore, the Cleanest City of India.

And believe me when I say this- IT WAS MAGICAL!

A sense of positivity:

I only spent 4-5 hours at the retreat and the relaxation experienced isn't comparable to any other sort of therapy that I've ever had.

• Yoga is known to neutralize respiration, energy and vitality.
• Psychiatrists are helpful when you need to clear your overburdened headspace.

But would any of these help you when you are involuntarily stuck in a bad place? Clearly, no.

This is where Pyra helped me out. Everybody suggests you to go for a vacation when you need a change. And the reason behind my Indore trip was just that- a change. Visiting Pyra was just the cherry on top.

When we first made a stop at the retreat, it was because it lay on our way back to Indore from Mandu. We’d been travelling for a while and just needed a refreshment break.

Something that you’d never expect a regular travel refreshment break spot to offer, while in India!

The place had hundreds of plants and blooming flowers in every shape and size. The clock ticked 7, but it felt like 6... in the morning! Since it was the month of monsoon July, we were still amidst clouds hovering with us! Right in front of us was a series of 2 sets of plateaus, adjacent to each other at just the perfect picturesque angles!

The refreshment break that was supposed to last for an hour, turned out to be a good 5 hour stay. Two of my accompanying friends and me, took advantage of the rather peaceful suburb solace that we’d unexpectedly landed ourselves in! During our entire trip, we hadn’t stayed this quiet, yet relaxed at the same time.

The aura at Pyra is relaxing and rejuvenating for tired souls that do not even realise how tired they’ve become by trying to suit themselves in the rushing 21st century lifestyles.

Have you ever unexpectedly come across such mindful retreats while traveling? Let me know in the comments section below so that I can visit them next!

Also Read: A Weekend Get-Away Destination near you that’s Not on Every College Student’s 'Places-To-Go' List: Churu

A Weekend Get-Away Destination near you that’s Not on Every College Student’s 'Places-To-Go' List: Churu

Whether you're planning to escape Delhi's noxious air during Diwali or making your wedding and family functions legendary, we've all been questioning if there is a way to discover a weekend get-away destination that is offbeat!

Continue reading this article if:

• you're bored of celebrating every New Years’ Eve with your friends in a hot-n-happening club (that one of you managed to get coupons for, but didn’t turn out to be as hip as you thought it would),
  
• you're not sure if Humayun’s Tomb can accommodate any more of fashion bloggers for weekly photoshoots, (ooh, I’m pretty sure your followers are bored of that as well!)
  
• you can’t wait to organise a bonfire with your best friends (but the empty plot besides your grandma’s house doesn’t provide you with much privacy)

A glimpse of something unique for those who cannot wait to explore the unexplored: Churu

The royal state of Rajasthan boasts of forts and palaces at every turn, and Churu is one of the towns that falls off the tourist map. What makes Churu stand out is- no kings and queens have ever resided in this town, yet it has a fascinating history!

Also known as the Gateway to the Thar Desert, if you can look beyond the dust and the grime, you will find yourself surrounded by history, beauty and heritage.

The rich history of Churu: A bustling merchant town!

Back in the 19th century, the rich marwari seths traded in spices, textiles and opium and believed in spending tons of money on their homes (read grand havelis). These merchants travelled across the world and brought back stories of what they experienced, depicting them in paintings on walls across the town.

As they got richer and richer, these merchants moved their business to Kolkata, New Delhi and Mumbai, leaving their ancestral properties behind in disrepair.

Today, walking through Churu is like walking through a ghost town! There are more than 100 havelis within a short radius, each grander than the other. The paintings and frescos these havelis embody depict the lives of the owners and new concepts of that time like: travelling in a train, driving a car, etc.

If your idea of a travel involves knowing the people, their story and culture, enjoying your own space in tranquil environs and simply adoring monuments, Churu is a gem for you. Walking through the lanes of the town, one can easily imagine it in all its glory, when it would have been the bustling centre of commerce.

The Churu experience:

The Churu experience is about the people – the merchants, the artisans, the farmers, the workers and commoners like us. Knowing these people, their stories, their lives is what makes it special.

For someone who appreciates antiques, even the doors of some havelis are something you can spend an entire day looking at and adoring! Grand in scale and in terms of beautiful engraved work on them, no two doors are ordinary or alike.

European influences in architecture and design peek from every corner here,
telling tales of the owners’ travels and lifestyle.

If you are more than done trying to relate to the unreal world of kings and queens, step back in history and come visit the town of Churu that man built and thrived in. A bumpy 30-minute drive takes you towards the sand dunes, where the only thing missing is a bonfire.

Then there is Malji Ka Kamra: made as a guesthouse to Maharaja of Bikaner by Malji Kothari – one of the richest Seths of Churu. The place was originally used as an entertainment house for visiting dignitaries with artists being called upon from all corners of Bikaner riyasat. 

Malji Ka Kamra, the only heritage mansion resort of Churu is over 100 years old!

One of the rooms still carry an original painting of Ganga Singh Ji, the ruler of Bikaner – who used to stay in that particular room during his frequent visits to Churu. Malji would get it demolished and reconstructed til the time he was happy which explains how it took 17 years to construct it! 

This palatial place was gradually decked over a period of seventeen odd years to make it look like an eclectic party venue hosting ballroom waltzes to performing arts for the elite merchants, the royalty, the British officers and whoever was the then toast of the region.

The haveli’s pillared exteriors, a fusion of Italian and Shekhawati architecture styles embellished with stucco work of beautiful figurines of men and women, many in various dance moves pose as ample evidence of the place’s bygone revelry.

The place gives a sneak peak about the lighter side of the Seths, usually
perceived to be workaholics, with their nose always buried in ledger books. 

Malji Ka Kamra looks like a 19th century venetian villa with a unique combination of an Italian-style-construction, combined with ingenuity of local architects. It is now a restored heritage building with 14 rooms and suites, carefully preserving the elements of the original architecture.

The lavish property aims to recreate the ambience of yore, to host modern-day travellers and introduce them to a region full of architectural relics!

The ornamental and grand structure has a Mughal styled main entrance door
which is a gigantic 30 feet high, tall enough for an elephant to pass through.

 

Covered with iron sheets, brass bars, iron spikes, iron chains and brass knockers, this door looks royal in every aspect, with paintings of various generations of Bikaner kings, Radhe-Krishna amongst others.

What’s more, there are jarokhas on either side of the magnificent door from where flowers were showered on to the welcomed guests!

Malji Ka Kamra on Tripadvisior

Discover the best of Shekhawati with your Churu visit:

Diligently restored following the same lines and look of a rang mahal, Malji Ka Kamra sports an unusual mint green façade. Visit and explore explore Churu, the least explored of the three districts comprising of Shekhawati, to find a slice of the real Indian experiences you’re looking for. 

How to reach Churu?

Churu is located at a four odd hour train ride from the capital of the county, Delhi’s Sarai Rohilla or Delhi Cantt railway station. The gazers window-view gradually changes to desert shrubs and to sandy dunes when the train finally pulls into Churu Junction.

Thanks for reading!

Also Read : The Best Trip I've Ever Been to: A Decision Taken in under 5 Minutes!