Wondering where you've stumbled?

I've been blogging here since 2015. A place where I let go of my thoughts. A place where I do not overthink and just let it all out. I've been documenting my journey from when I was an anxious teenager to trying to become a confident adult, comfortable in her skin with every day that goes by.

I hope something here resonates with you, your old self.. or the one you're becoming :)

Thanks for dropping by!

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Role of Entertainment Industry in shaping the typical Indian Tharki Mindset

To begin with.. who is a 'tharki'?
I don't exactly know what's the possible number of ways a person can define this particular word but I'll give this a try.


  • Men who stand by the local bus stop, neighbourhood grocery shops and try to interact forcefully with every girl, or, even mature married ladies with their cute little 2 or 3 year olds for that matter?
  • The spooky guy from your street who basically emerges out of nowhere to every other place you go?
  • A man who touched you inappropriately in public and left like nothing ever happened?
  • Or an elderly man from your own family who constantly keeps an *eye* on you?

I've been in each one of these situations and I know my friends have too. I also know this is just a pinch of that huge amount of filth that exists in our society and other girls just like me have even been through worse.

What I found common among all these men was the fact that they actually believe I would retaliate positively to their gross activities. Why? I don't know, maybe because I find a pair of jeans and T comfortable to put on unlike my other female co-humans from remote regions. Yes, that makes me look modern and vulnerable to these people.

So am I trying to say that looking modern is an invitation to those perverts that I'm asking for it? No, definately not. But it is what THEY believe. I tried to think more about this issue that why would a person hold my attire as being equivalent to an open invitition. Is it actually their fault?

I guess no, because majority of these men are school/college dropouts whose lives are nothing but all about 'hanging out' in the neighbourhood addas, whose heroes and role models are none other than Sallu bhai dancing to Munni Badnaam Hui and Kapoor dancing to Hua Chokra Jawaan Re.

Let's accept it people, there exists only two extreme categories of women in bollywood. Either it has to be a sati-savitrii draped in her saree or duppata who adheres to every rule and regulation set by her family or a spoilt brat who regulary hangs out with cool boys, drinks and dances in pubs, wears mini skirts and flashes out her cleavage to her male protagonist. And these local tharkis believe this to be the ultimate reality.

If a girl is shy and dressed up in tradionals, local goons will try to harass her and expect her to keep her mouth shut because this is what a typical timid girl is expected to be like. If it's a girl dressed up in a pair of jeans or skirt, they'll automatically assume her to be the next Poonam Pandey who has dressed up the way she has because she wants it. Trust me, such guys instantly go crazy the moment they spot a girl walking out of a liquor store and their eyes twinkle like "Aaj to maal haath laga"

Why? Because they've seen it in movies that if a girl drinks and dresses up in a particular manner, she's the one who's willing to do anything and everything with men. They've never saw it in the movies that there exists one more realistic category in middle of these two extreme ones where a girl can dress up modern and aspire to be a successful millionaire all by herself, or not be interested in boys and romance at all and drink at the same time!

According to my view, bollywood industry is not that responsible when it comes to leaving a positive social impact on it's audience. And trust me on this, they are much more capable of shaping mindsets than any other social activists or nukkad-naatak performers. Movies have that power to target specific groups of people that all the other forms of campaigns and education cannot. It's high time they realize their responsibilites and act more wise.

It's not practical to include graphics where the female lead sunbathes in her bikini because, just accept it! Indian audience isn't just that mature yet to handle this! Being such a powerful source of disseminating ideas in general public and acting so lousy about it is just dissappointing.

 via- http://www.riseforindia.com/bollywood-message-to-tharki-men/

Sunday, March 29, 2015

JUSTT STOPP THISS


I'm tired of this shit going on over Feminism, pseudo-Feminism, bullshit ._.
What the hell are we trying to prove? Nobody within the reach of our status updates, tweets and blogs needs this as we are already that privileged lot who understands the need for Feminism. The truth is, the ones who already stand for equality are fed up of this thing going viral. They don't want to see this. They feel it's being over-exaggerated. And that's true.

It is in those remote regions that ideas need to be disseminated where we still have khap panchayats deciding the fate of young girls. It is in those backward regions that girls do not have access to knowledge that the law does not require them to marry their rapists. It is in those areas that women are told not to eat chowmein or carry mobile phones or get out of their homes or wear a 30 meter long ghunghat. The ones who actually need to know this do not even have access to social media. They are perhaps being beaten up by their husbands right now.

What the hell are twitterati and Vogue Empower and the girl on Instagram posting a picture of her stained pants trying to prove. Nobody in this privileged crowd needs this. If you really want to stand up for equal rights to women, why not pack your bags and leave for a village to save another girl falling victim of misogynist khap panchayat.

(I just joined the same crowd by writing this and irritating you and wasting your time and bye ._. )

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Different Shades of Despondency (Part III)

In the previous parts of this series I wrote about an old, uneducated, starving lady who's alive today only on the alms of people. The second one was about a couple willing to work hard but forced to beg for food. This one is quite different and a more complex situation.

I came to know about this 30-year old lady through a social networking site and I am posting her story here with her permission.


"I am married twice. My first marriage did not even last 6 months because of my mother-in-law. She poisoned my husband against me and she never allowed him to love me. When i came back home my parents sold my all ornaments, most of them had been gifted by my relatives. I had exactly 800gms of gold. Then my dad found out a man for me. He was not only married but was the father of two kids. The eldest was 14 years old. I protested in every way i could but finally i gave in for which i am regretful today. It was my mother who was more interested.


 He fooled my parents in believing that he was a rich man. Mom was expecting him to pay the home loan. For that she sacrificed the happiness of her own daughter. My new husband was an extremely cruel man. He never ever cared for my happiness. He used to torture me emotionally every day. Once we went for a tour, that time i was the mother of my 5 month old baby. On the way his mood was spoiled for some unknown reason and he became very angry with me. I cried and told him to take me back home. The next day he took me back.


 We were already out of the state by then. On the way back he did not talk to me about anything. We started off from Madurai before 9:30 am. He did not ask me if i want anything to eat. When he became hungry he stopped the car somewhere and ate a guava which was left in the car but he did not offer me. I got out of the car and stood outside as my baby was crying. When he finished eating we continued the journey. By 3:30 or 4:00pm I told him that I was thirsty. Then he stopped the car infront of a shop and gave me the money to buy water. My 5 month old baby was on my lap but still he did not care to help me. He ws not willing to hold my baby. So i told him i dont want the water.


 After sometime the thirst became unbearable for me so i told him to stop the car somewhere and so he did. I took my baby in my hand and got out of the car with difficulty. I bought water and told the shopwala to open the bottle for me as my husband would not do it. After sometime my baby startd crying as he was starving. I was not feeding him my milk because of some reason. Naan was his food. To make naan definitely I needed the help of my husband and so i told him to hold my baby but he said to keep him on the seat. The back seat was full with baggages and the single seat in the front was not apt for my baby to lie down, he could have easily fell down if he rolled over. So i stood on the road holding my crying baby in my arms without knowing what to do.


 Then in the opposite side I saw a house where a lady was sweeping the veranda of her house. Without thinking twice i opened the back door, took the big flask which contained the hot water, the feeding bottle, and the tin of Naan. I literally held all these things in my hand, not even without the help of a bag.. and I crossed the road, opened the gate of her house. The lady of the house looked at me with astonishment. Then I told her "Can you help me make Naan for my baby?" She invited me inside her house and I asked her to hold my baby. She took my baby without any hesitation and my baby smiled at her which made that lady very happy. She offered me tea which i denied with kindness.


 All those time my husband was sitting in the car without even caring. I said thanks to the lady and came back to the car. He drove off the car taking me inside without even feeling sorry. I was touched by the kindness of the lady and was hurt by the harshness of my husband. I started crying sitting in the car. These incidents happened two years from now.


 Two days ago my husband called me from abroad and he told me that if he would stop providing me i would have to sell my body for an earning. I was dumbstruck by his words. I neither called him nor attended his calls after that. I regret a lot today for not completing my graduation but still with a great hope i am going for a job hunt. I hate to depend my husband who is constantly degrading me."


She is presently looking for a job to take care of her son. But the fact that she is only qualified till +2 with commerce stream is coming in her way to be an independent lady. She is willing to work hard but due to less educational qualification she is forced to settle for a job in textile industry in her neighbourhood that will only offer her 6k per month.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Different shades of Despondency (Part II)

Few weeks ago I was driving back home with my mother and on our way home I requested her to stop at a very well known bakery and confectionery shop. I wanted to buy chocolates (for myself, obviously). My mother told me she would be waiting outside. As I payed the bill and turned back to exit the shop, I saw my mother enter and she asked me to place an order for a couple of patties. When questioned for whom, she replied "Not for you, fat-ass".

As we walked our way out of the shop, she offered the packed Patties to a woman sitting outside on stairs. Her son (probably 2 or 3 years old) was playing on the stairs next to her. For a moment I couldn't make out what just happened because my mother is a kind of person who would normally react to someone asking for money by advising them to work instead of beg. It didn't even struck me for once that maybe the woman might not have asked for money, but for food itself. I saw another man standing next to 2 guys on a motorcycle next to us. He pointed at the woman and the child and the 2 guys seemed to be in denial to whatever the man was saying to them. At last, they hesitatingly offered him a 5 rupee Chocobar, which was actually a change for the 1000 Rupee note they had payed at the counter few seconds ago.

Finally when we reached home, I asked my mother about the incident. She told that they belonged to a near-by village and had come to the town a month back. They worked in a well known restaurant for a whole month and at the end of the month when it was time for the owner to pay them, he not just refused to pay but even fired them from the job. Poor souls were returning to their village. They were begging for food because whatever money they had was spent in buying the ticket for taking a bus.
I couldn't take the whole thing in for a moment. I was angry at the couple for just returning back and not doing something against the wrong been done to them. But then it struck me, whoa! Why would they go to the police? The police have other important cases on their priority list and probably regular cases like these might not matter to them or the entire town's administration as a whole as much as the other cases do.
And ofcourse, even if they launch FIR against the restaurant owner, he would easily get away with it. A few rounds to the district court per week would not bother him much. But for the couple it would be a mental, emotional and financial strain provided that they were not the locals of this town and already struck in poverty!

I cannot understand how could the man just leave hardworking laborers to beg for FOOD! And how much could the sum of 2-3k matter to that prosperous owner afterall? Maybe he cheats hardworking and innocent people every month and that explains it. I wonder how many other workers in this unorganized sector get cheated by these big owners daily across the nation. And I wonder if they have a heart or a conscience in them.


PS- I'm aware that this is a very popular scheme amongst scammers these days in Metro cities.. but this incident took place in a low-key town and the satisfaction on the faces of the couple after receiving the package was one hundred percent genuine.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

When the World Media crossed their limits..


  Cheating in school tests is an old Indian problem.” -The Washington Post 

Like really? You’re talking about India, the ancient land, home to one of the world’s oldest educational institution Taxila. Yes cheating is a serious problem especially in the state of Bihar. The state with lowest literacy rate has always been in highlights for this. But you cannot quote this as an *old Indian problem*.
But for a change, how about covering that piece of news when a labourer or a housemaid worked hard day and night, worked extra shifts to get his/her children educated? And how about covering these examples as well.Village labourer cracks IIT entranceSon of a porter in Nashik has cracked the Indian civil service examination.
Well if that’s not enough, have a look at these statistics from UPSC-
  • Less than 2 in 10 entrants were from a metro or a state capital in ’04
  • More than 5 were born in a tehsil or district town in ’04
  • One out of four are kids of fathers who have not studied beyond matriculation
  • 4 in 10 were engineers, techies or medics
  • More women are making it to the IAS
Oh wait, never mind! They might have cheated too!




I guess the explanation for Americans not getting good grades is the increased level of drug abuse amongst teens, increasing number of high-school moms.



Doesn't matter! We're the target for them right now since our economy promises a bright spot in global economy in near future!


Talking about the money your ancestors looted from us for 200 long years?



Maybe we Indians are really a bunch of A-holes who cheat in every examination. So does that mean Indian Diaspora working in other developed countries at top posts in technical, scientific, health and IT sectors are all cheats? Yeah, and you people are A-holes too then who hire us in such large numbers that too on your top posts!
I am one of those people who criticized Indian Government for banning “India’s Daughter”. But this time BBC, along with other western media have played the wrong move when it came to the Bihar cheating scandal!


Just because you guys got a clipping of students and their relatives cheating collectively in ONE Indian state does NOT give you the right to label us as CHEATERS, okay? It is obviously not the case here in our country because every year we have lakhs of honest students topping the merit lists of secondary, senior secondary, IITs, IIMs,  and so many other world class institutes on basis of their hardwork. And it is because of these students and institutes that Indians get shortlisted as employees in top companies throughout the world.
This move was just a desperate attempt to sham us and our educational system in front of the entire world. Bad move dear, bad move it was. Because hardworking students will make their way out even if another German University denies admission to them because of this.
Atleast one such incidence was much, much better than hundreds of drug mafias in American schools and colleges, or random shootouts by the students.

-via 16december.net

*Repost* Music Maniacs

The kind of music we listen to, is in some way or the other, our identity. It explains who we are. With kind of language I'm gonna use today, I might get abused, or blocked, or even reported. But I don't care because my motive here is to get my voice heard.

Each one of us Indians recognize 
Yo! Yo! Honey Singh, and have heard most of his songs. No this post is not about him but about the way Indian people have blindly followed him ever since his first few tracks came out. No it's not wrong to follow any movie star, singer, or any celebrity for that matter. But please, please don't call yourself a Music Maniac if Honey Singh is the only person you follow. smile emoticon

Music is just not about filthy lyrics, fantastic-cum-copied music, half naked girls dancing next to the artist, in the background and basically everywhere. No, music is not about these things AT ALL. Music is what connects people, makes them feel good about themselves, and music is what you define it to be.

I don't praise Western Nations just for the heck of it, but have you ever noticed how a star gains success out of nowhere, people start recognizing her/him all of a sudden, how they land up on top in all the Charts, win multiple Grammys in their debut years itself, and on and on it goes.

Do we Indians lack talent? No. Then why no such sudden artists ever come up in our music industry? Obviously we're lacking something that their Music Industry is not. What is it? Can't we Indians make nice music too? Yes we can. Are we? Yes we are. The problem is, new artists take years and years to get noticed, unless some Bollywood Godfather realizes her/his talent and decides to launch them under big names. No obviously not to make their dreams come true, but for the PROFIT. Ever wondered why only a few handful big names in our Industry unlike theirs? Because our Music Industry is not about talent, it's just about earning profits.

Yes, Indian Music Industry is nothing compared to theirs, and unless we condemn people like *
booboohoneysingh*‬, situation is not going to get any better. You might be thinking, we like rap, we like Punjabi music! What's wrong with you random girl why are you behaving like another VHPian! But is Honey Singh the only Punjabi rapper left in India to listen to?

Earlier this year, a friend suggested to me a Bengali song. No I'm not a Bengali and I don't understand Bengali. But I did listen to it, and though I didn't understand a word of it, I felt a certain kind of attachment to it and everytime I listen to it, I am left marveling at the beauty of it. The voice, the music and everything.

Music is about exploring the unknown. Unless you stop following every trending track from Honey Singh or some XYZ, you will miss out on many great musicians, and you aren't actually a Maniac then. Look around, explore, there is a lot that you haven't heard. Stop following people who write and sing filthy lyrics because they know large part of this population is after these dirty things, and don't give them the opportunity to make quick money out of this ART.

Friday, March 20, 2015

That one TV Series Episode every student must watch before passing out!

This was much more than just an episode. It portrayed everything so well, so realistically. A depressed kid, more depressed classmates that generally go unnoticed by their fellow popular classmates, that fear one experiences that they might lose a loved one, jealousy, revenge, bad journalism... everything that high-schoolers need to realize depicted in just one episode! This leaves such a powerful and lasting impression on everybody who watches it!


"Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred, how did it find us? Did it steal into our lives, or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us? That we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war... Hoping for their safe return... But knowing that some will be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?"

It was not just about the shooting in a school campus. It gives a detailed description about the circumstances that led to it. And the way directors have presented this, everybody watching this can put themselves in the same shoes as these people in the story and ponder upon the message they wanted to convey.

It totally has the capacity to change the way high-schoolers interact with each other. It'll remind them of the responsibilities they have towards each and every classmate. And it's really important, to be kind to everyone you know from school. It's not necessary that a shooting has to take place as a wake up call everytime, right? This is what teens need to learn from this episode.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Are you the most beautiful girl in your batch? Are you the coolest one in your pack? Are you the most intelligent one amongst your friends?

Do you have a fair skin? Do you have gorgeous eyes? Or hair? Do you have that perfectly toned body structure? Do you have an irresistible personality? Are you that pretty girl who makes heads turn? Do you have that pompous sense of dressing up and looking damn cool, trendy and captivating?

You're lucky if you're one of the above mentioned people. I won't say beauty is nothing. We all know that you beautiful people are the first ones to get attention wherever you go, right? Yes, beauty matters. You manage to make good first impression basically without even having done anything, but out of the sheer luck that you're born with these physical traits. You get noticed just because of your pretty faces and personalities that other not-so-good-looking people have to struggle for. Less than average people are really unfortunate in this regard and you're the lucky one. :)

Okay, so here are a few questions that I'd like to see if you can answer ~

  • Can you name a short girl/boy from your class who was extremely polite?
  • A dark-skinned girl/boy who was very soft spoken?
  • A nerd who always seemed very arrogant but helped you quite a few times with some difficult topic?
  • An overweight classmate who was really very creative and talented when it came to making projects and decorating the class on special occasions?
  • A silent girl/boy from your classroom who had a very good taste in music or knew how to play a musical instrument very well?
  • A fair and alluring girl/boy who always cared enough to pass a smile whenever you accidentally had an eye-contact?

Last one was a bit difficult, right?

I hate to say this but generally beautiful looking people have an arrogant and mean attitude towards other not-so-good-looking people. If you're blessed with something good naturally and you appreciate your beauty, don't have a haughty attitude towards those who aren't born with what you are and have some respect for their natural charm as well!

Sure, you're getting all the attention and enjoying it. But this attention might mislead you to think that you're the best and the most fortunate one to have been blessed with amazing looks. Because, guess what? Every town has people like you. The most beautiful people from every town are just like you. And very soon when you'll leave this town and move to bigger and better cities, you'll meet them. There'll be plenty who'll have exactly what you have and maybe even better than what you have. You'll be nothing but another person from the best crowd over there trying to make an identity of your own. Yes, you'll have to struggle hard over there to even get noticed.


Maybe you'll manage to impress people in those big cities too. You'll enjoy being the most perfect girl/boy who's appreciated for everything. But this won't last long if you're not good from the inside-out. You know, it's not always the way a person looks that matters. Specially if you want people who are keepers. You have to have a good heart and attitude for that. 

The less than average people have always fought hard to get noticed, not on the basis of what they don't have, but on the basis of what they have developed in them. A good heart. And this is what actually matters in the real world out there. And I can tell you, these people will not have much trouble adjusting with new places and people in life, but will lead a very successful and happy life.

If you don't leave this haughtiness soon, you'll have serious issues in future with everything and every place you go! So drop this on-top-of-the-world handicap and learn something from the people you've always made fun of.

Dont LOOK Beautiful. BE Beautiful.

Governments that only care about their reputation will come and go, but Suzette's no more..


Our society needed a strong woman like her. I can't even imagine how she managed to handle this unfortunate incident. But how she chose to retaliate is sure an inspiration.

http://idiva.com/opinion-relationships/how-society-killed-park-street-rape-victim-suzette-jordan/35513