The Reason I Opened An Etsy Shop for My Digital Illustrations As A Small Business Venture

It's going to be detailed, so grab a cup of coffee and sit comfortably.

Like all the other great (or bad) stories of 2020, my reason behind opening up my Etsy shop has a lot to do with the Pandemic. Just like the rest of the world.. I was initially very scared with the Covid Pandemic situation because it seemed like it would never end.

That is exactly what happened. I’m still stuck at home and even if I have a chance to go out, I’m too scared.

Technology, My Light In The Dark:

Unlike most people who have and are still suffering during this year because of their economic or medical concerns, I am comparatively privileged enough to own a laptop and an internet connection to be able to do this.

While I was always into reading and writing on my devices, I never realised that my laptop would become a boat for me to sail on during these mentally draining times. I am very inspired by the way technology has the potential to keep humans engaged with themselves, even if it has a bad side to it.

Also Read: "Does One Have To Be Good At Everything?" -The Lockdown Social Media Misery

It is also a matter of great relevance for me because I used to be a marketing professional. We all are aware about the perks of digital marketing in the current age, and I had chosen this as my career only a few months prior to when the pandemic hit.

But alas, when the pandemic hit, I lost my job as a marketer for a restaurant (since they thrive on social gatherings). I was scared for the loss of lives and economy more than I was about losing my job (yes, I belong to a well to do family).

Some time during the month of May, I started to get really bored of my schedule. It was getting extremely lethargic to do the same set of house chores.

Then on one fine day of May, I happened to pick up my laptop and started to draw a cartoon image of an animated series: “We Bare Bears” from Cartoon Network. It was very sudden and unplanned but the graphic turned out so cool!

It was just for the sake of doing something that my busy schedule could never allow me to do. Very soon, I began to think of ways to display it on my social media, since everyone was sharing something productive that they were doing.. (even if it was something as simple as making Dalgona Coffee!)

Meanwhile, I also decided to begin a music campaign to share my favourite indie music tracks from lesser known artists (something that I had wanted to do in last October but my job and inability to create good looking posts did not allow me to do).

Now when I say campaign, that is exactly what it was- a campaign implementing all over strategies that I had learnt as a digital marketing professional displayed to the virtual audience via a creative and unique execution (I was inspired by Travis Scott’s Fortnite concert that blessed us with an amazing track).

I posted on my Instagram regularly for 12 days. I named this campaign #12daysofindiemusic.

Here’s what the 12 posts comprised of-

• 12 digital illustrations (drawn by me, ofcourse), and

• 12 indie music tracks

Not only this, I also featured 2 of my singer friends within these 12 days as a part of the campaign.

See those 12 recreated images below-

(I started with recreating, now I make my own art. If you are recreating any pictures from other artists, always credit the original artist. In case they want you to take it down, respect their decision!)

I had learnt digital art as a beginner but it turned out to be so great that I couldn’t stop after those 12 days. So I continued creating illustrations for every single day even after that.

Very soon, I started receiving orders from people to draw custom artworks for them.

Months have passed by, I still draw and I absolutely love every minute of it. Today, I launched my Etsy shop as a small business venture and made 5 sales!

So essentially, I am writing my own product descriptions, doing the backend SEO and creating a mini brand for my creativity by generating revenue out of it!

Do you know why? Because I was bored? Nah! There’s more to it!

I used to do these same things for my clients as a marketer. But I was very undervalued, under-appreciated, not listened enough to AND underpaid!

(Check this link if you wish to read about one of my horrific experiences working for a company based in Indore)

I’m not sure if all of these efforts will pay me off in the future, but it’s worth a shot because I get to learn something new everyday. It’s definitely productive as well as related to my professional niche and there possibly is no harm to it.

I continue to focus on every aspect by myself. There's been so many learnings, so many fruitful failures.. I doubt if I could've learn all of this if I worked under someone else.

Check out my creative profile on Instagram to see how many experiments I continue to perform.

My bosses did not pay me good enough anyway. In case my venture succeeds, atleast these efforts & money would count as my own and not some rich ungrateful snob’s.

Check out my latest commissioned work-

"Does One Have To Be Good At Everything?" -The Lockdown Social Media Misery

A question that bugs me a lot. I know that enough has been said and written about this already, but why can’t this stop bothering me?

The Lockdown and Social Media Misery

"Help! I can't cook & I don't even want to!"

I’m not a good cook. I might become one, I just don’t try. Cooking isn’t something that fascinates me unless I have to cook to serve my appetite in the middle of the night.

And even in the middle of the night, if I’m not in my hometown under the watch of my parents (who just want their children to be self-dependent), I will only cook when I’m broke.

Also Read: The 7 Best and Most Affordable Eating Points in North Campus, DU

When the lockdown started, people were giving all sorts of cuisines a try because our generation has been spoilt by the likes of Zomato & Swiggy. It isn’t exciting to have the same old set of nutrients in a wholesome meal every single day, so we need exciting stuff in our lives.

And food does that for most of us.

Ron Swanson: everyone's spirit animal when it comes to foooooood

What was I doing during the lockdown? I was feeling sorry about my lazy ass for not helping my lockdown companions enough in the kitchen. I would compensate somehow by cleaning the utensils or doing some other (less culinary skills based) tasks, but the regret sure made me feel inferior to the rest of the humans across the planet (who made sure to let us know about their excellent cooking skills via social media).

"Do I even qualify as a girl if I'm not into fashion/makeup/photos?!?"

Same goes for the fact that I didn’t have any mesmerising throwback pictures to post on my social accounts. If anything, I started to look more like a hobo. Oh I still do look like a hobo.

Thanks to social media, I also couldn’t help but question my self worth as a girl more and more each day.

I didn’t paint my nails once during the lockdown. And why would I, when this was something I’d hardly do before all of this began? And I doubt if I even had about 15 days in this lockdown that would count as ‘self-care’, externally. If anything, I oiled my head even less than I would on normal days.

I still go days without actually looking at myself in the mirror (yeah, sad right?)

"Will I have something good to talk about by the time we walk out of this catastrophe?"

Everyone I know started doing something or the other as a hobby, timepass and productivity booster.

I believe that I did take some care of myself internally, but it wasn’t enough compared to what everyone else was doing. I couldn’t keep up with my yoga practice, and I failed miserably when it came to meditation or communicating with people (even with my own family).

I did learn some new skills. Check this out for instance: Music Playlist Curation

"I lost my job, what do I do?"

Before all of this had begun, I had a decent plan to shift from freelancing to working in a promising industry. Sadly, this industry was directly related to social gatherings. The plan not only failed, I also was so nervous that I couldn't muster enough courage to even talk to my potential employer about the situation.

I kept delaying 'the talk' for months (including the fact that I had to collect a payment from him). It was a major buzzkill for my mood and professional growth.

Social media was full of memes for people distressed because of WFH. I felt so, so bad that I didn't even have a job anymore.

Also Read: Was Television Really The Idiot Box?

How I planned to resolve this tricky situation:

All of this could've been avoided if I simply just left social media, right? Well, I didn't want to!

I needed it to interact with my friends and family. Man is a social animal afterall.

All of us wish that the pandemic gets over soon and we can move back to our old lives where social media wasn't the place where we interact with people the most. 

But sadly, even if the pandemic was somehow over, its impact is here to stay in our lives.

Like all people, I wish I could be confident enough to easily let go off of my disturbing thoughts. While I try to indulge in the hobbies that I love, I am also learning how to take care of my mental health while being on internet.

(Tap on the image to be redirected to the source:
6 ways to protect your mental health from social media’s dangers)

I made separate accounts for separate moods as one step towards self-care. Like, if I'm in a mood to feel creative and not be bothered by the amazing personal lives of people I know, I go to my creative account. If I'm in a mood to catch up with my closest friends, I go to my finsta. If I'm in a mood to rant, I go to Twitter.

If you've found yourself in the same boat as me- moody and depressed because of social media... you could give this thing a try too! It's all about sorting your social media platforms as per how they make you feel.

What you see affects what you feel. It works to separate yourself from what makes you feel bad.

How do you resolve this?

Let me know about your tips and tricks. It's always good to connect with like-minded people, provided it's over texts and comments (because of my social anxiety hahahahah).

Thanks for reading!

Factual Reasons to Mandate Mental Health Counsellors in Every Indian School

According to an estimate by the World Health Organisation (WHO), mental illness makes about 15% of the total disease conditions around the world. Also, in 2011, there were 0·301 psychiatrists and 0·047 psychologists for every 100,000 patients suffering from a mental health disorder in India!

That's disturbing, right? Wait till you read more!

According to a report by The Lancent:

(one of the world's oldest and best-known general medical journals)

• China and India are home to more than a third of people with mental illness, but only a tiny fraction of them receive medical help,
• There are more people in the world’s two most populous nations coping with mental, neurological and substance use problems than in all high-income countries combined,
• That burden will become much heavier in coming decades, especially in India, where it is projected to increase by a quarter by 2025

The stigma associated with mental health problems in the two countries also impacts on employment opportunities and therefore the social economic status of families, compounding social inequalities for those with mental health and substance use disorders.

Some red flags with our current policies:

• Less than one per cent of national healthcare budgets in India is allocated to mental health care
• Estimates suggest that by 2025, 38.1m years of healthy lives in India will be lost mental health diseases
• From 2015 to 2025, it is estimated that the number of healthy years lost due to dementia will increase by 82% in India 

(Source)

Channelising the National Outrage Systematically:

When Sushant Singh Rajput's death caused a whirlwind of national outrage over the lack of addressal mechanism for mental health in India, I dug up the following data:

In 2008, CBSE had circulated a guideline amongst every affiliated school's Head of Institute to hire a mental health counsellor within their premises (here's the link from their official website: 2008 Guideline)

This move was accelerated based on a suggestion by the Raghavan Committee's Report constituted by the Hon’ble Supreme Court of India (in SLP No. 24295 of 2006) to put an end to bullying and its consequences on young children.

In 2015, there was yet another guideline for the same purpose. However, due to extreme administrative negligence, this was not given enough limelight by the schools.

In light of the outrage over mental health being considered a taboo by majority of the nation even today, I am requesting the government to intervene immediately and make this guideline mandatory.

It is NOT plausible for India to ignore the mental health crisis looming on our head anymore

There have been enough debates about what causes mental illnesses amongst humans. Science has given us enough research to conclude that a mental illness is as grave as a physical injury. Then why do we not have a basic mental healthcare infrastructure in place already?

Some important points to note:

• Bullying and harassment are not the only leading causes of stress, anxiety and mental health issues amongst youngsters.
• In case of a crisis, students and adults are not equipped with a proper knowledge as to how and whom to approach for resolving the crisis.
• Lack of awareness regarding the difference between a counsellor, psychologist and psychiatrist leads to more problems because of the commercialisation of the healthcare industry.

Mental Illness is as grave as a physical injury:

Here's how to become an even better nation by allowing our future generations to grow in a healthy environment by educating them about mental health from childhood onwards. We need to borrow the school counsellor culture from the west, immediately!

My mother has been a government teacher for 25 years now. She tells me, government institutions do not have any posts/vacancies for psychologists/counsellors. Understandable. The government has numerous responsibilities with India being a huge nation.

Although private schools can incorporate the model in their institutions, if mandated by the government. They can even afford that!

If you wish that your private school had had a mental health counsellor, you can sign this petition: Every Private School Shall Employ A Competent Mental Health Counsellor, Right Away

Collectively, we MUST accept that a counsellor in every institution is the need of the hour. The more we delay this, the more broken generations we are raising up.

It’s a cycle. It won’t stop. Mental health professionals exist for a reason, after all. Save your future generations and sign this petition now.

Have any suggestions? Email me on thatcandorgirl@gmail.com or leave a comment below. I'll get back to you about it!

Television: Boon or Bane? Was TV Actually the Idiot Box?

If you grew up in a middle class family with one set of television placed in the living room, you would be pretty familiar with the term ‘idiot box’. Although, you might be surprised to know that the term Idiot Box had been coined in the 1950’s itself!

It amounted to the fact that the non-responsive television box was capable enough to deliver a bulk-load of information from every niche to the viewers. It did not specifically cater to one set of audience, but distributed the content without giving an authority to the set-owners of what it was capable of.

Parents who disliked the fact that their children could have access to every kind of information hated this concept of multiplicity of available options.

If you were an avid TV watcher as a child, you might be familiar with the irritability this term amounted to. The moment things would get interesting on the screen, elders would ask you to go do something else or the classic “just go study”!

These were some of the frequent arguments put forward by the elders to make us stop from watching TV:

• Television makes you dumb and stupid with it’s unscientific facts and stories.
• Television makes you unhealthy because you sit on the couch all day long!
• The idiot box will make you blind if you watch it for more than xx hours a day!
• It disturbs everyone in the house because of the loud noise,
• Your sibling needs to study for a test, you should let them concentrate.

I remember an incident from my childhood when I was arguing with my parents to watch television after 10PM because my brother didn’t let me watch my favourites during the day. To my surprise, they agreed.

I was disappointed when Popeye was soon taken over by the home-shopping advertisements, even on Cartoon Network! A great troll moment by the idiot box indeed!

Fast Forward to 2020, a Flashback to the Good Old Days Before the OTT/Streaming Era:

My paternal grandfather loved watching news. It was a pleasure to sit with him and watch cartoons occasionally. Tom & Jerry used to be his favourite! An otherwise serious man would laugh looking at it sometimes.

Whenever an elder would ask me to go switch it off because watching the idiot box would make me ‘dumb’, I would quickly switch over to the Discovery channel! It was a fun ride to get the elders on board to accompany me.

          

Well, those days are long gone. Families no longer have common TV time together. OTT has taken over the cheerful living room hours and very rapidly so.

Also Read: Could the Internet have Dealt Better with Mental Health Awareness After Sushant Singh Rajput's "Death"?

Sanju’s Magic Pencil gets Replaced with Apple Pencil:

Toddlers these days are well-equipped with adequacy when it comes to operating on a device. My youngest cousin knew how to skip the Youtube advertisements when she was a 3 year old. To my surprise, whenever I handed over the phone to her with a nursery rhyme video, she swiftly moved to videos of girls playing with their cooking set toys.

Back in the day, Sanju’s magic pencil was the must-have stationary item for us. Today, children do not want to own anything less than an Apple pencil. Their demands have to be met by the parents regardless of the necessity.

Implications of the Spread of OTT on the Eldest Members of the Family:

The spread of OTT, especially during the Covid-19 pandemic has resulted in a big relief for the majority of us. The mass availability of cheap options to choose from is an extremely appreciated revolution.

However, the eldest generation of the house are the ones who didn’t approve of technology and its mass intervention in our lives initially. And they still happen to be the ones who are least accustomed to the trends.

They might be aware of what Netflix is, but ask them who Binod is, and they would probably wander off to their thoughts to think of a distinct relative that their hazy memory has no recollection of.

Desolation amongst the Elderly on Account of Unfamiliarity with Technology:

While each one of us has the liberty today to engage in our favourite content across various platforms, the eldest generation is not only devoid of that knowledge, but also happens to be increasingly irritated with the younger generations being so self-engaged.

And why wouldn’t they? Think of it this way: you have a fever and your eyes start to water if you stare at your phone/laptop screen for a while. The incessant sounds start to bother you and you can’t entertain yourself anymore while being in the bed.

Now your grandmother has started to lose her sight and hearing ability because of the natural aging process. She doesn’t mind resting all day. But would it not get lonely after a while when nobody in the house cares about it anymore?

Also Read: The Pandemic's Psychological Implications on Small Town People

The Self-Involved Generation:

For the last generations, children and grandchildren seem to have their limitless alternative worlds within screens. They often get so self-involved in a trend and with trying to keep up with it, that a lonely grandma in their own house doesn’t seem to bother their glued attention to the screens. And why would it? It’s so addictive after all!

The advent of technology is no doubt a blessing for us. But the tremendous amount of advancement means: one step ahead for us is yet another step backwards for those with a lack of will and ability to keep up with it.

It seems like no matter how different every individual was, television was the one thing common about family time but it has been taken away because of the OTT revolution. Everybody feels it’s more convenient to watch something personalised on their own screen, in their own rooms and comfort zones.

Hence, leaving the elderly generation as desolated from the rest of the tech-savvy generations.

What Can We Do Now?

For those of us under 35-40 years of age, TV is just another electronic appliance. For those above this age group, it was a revolution. Remember how excited every elder person in our house was when TV channels started re-airing Mahabharat and Ramayana?

It was initially because of the fact that the newer shittier soap operas couldn’t get produced anymore because of the lockdown. But it made them so happy!

The Dyanaro shutter TV was our home’s first set of television

The original first TV sets for every household have had a great emotional importance attached to them. Given that a television set was costly and could only reach households in the early 1980’s. 

My parents tell me that back in the days when television was a prized possession for a household, neighbours used to gather around the walls of the house with a set of television. It was basically enough to just hear the idiot box speak.

Reminisce with the elderly about the good old television days:

It’s always our generation’s number one complaint that we do not have anything in common with the older generations to sit and converse about. It’s not true! Had it not been for this smartphone/laptop in your hands… you would’ve been talking about things.

Find a moment to sit back with your grandparents and old parents to talk about their first TV moments. Very soon, you’re only gonna find this bit of information in books and chronicles written by authors. Not kidding!

• Did you know that most people recall their first TV moments with Indira Gandhi’s assassination?
• Hum Log, a beloved TV series determined the nicknames for most people born in the 1980’s and 1990’s.
• Yeh Jo Hai Zindgi, India’s first very own TV series, was very much relatable for almost the whole of India.
• Buniyaad, Katha Sagar, Nukkad and Malgudi Days were amongst others that used to be the favourite family pastimes.

Let them have a scoop of what the actors are up to now:

Just like you’re attached to Sylvester Stallone and Jennifer Aniston, your grandparents would love to hear about the lives of their favourite TV stars. Give it a go, you might uncover a never seen before enthusiasm to connect with them!

You can also teach them how to stream their favourite TV shows on the smart TV’s or their rarely used smartphones. However, at that age it could be difficult for them to remember. Remind them from time to time or just do it yourself for them!

Also Read: Dealing With The Corona Virus Pandemic Anxiety

Did I miss out on something? Let me know about it in the comments section below. I’ll add it to the article!

Thanks for reading :) -That Candor Girl

Adjusting vs Adapting: Is there a Difference Between the Two?

At one of my earlier office-places, I was tagged as an unfit personality for that particular work place. The tag had left a very memorable impression on me, which is why I felt like writing this down.

This place was renowned across the city, as a fun work space. The employees came dressed up very often and it was conveyed to the rest of the world via sharing pictures on all the social channels. However, I was that one person who avoided the camera at all costs. I did dress up, but was just hesitant to get clicked.

The CEO claimed in a close door meeting that I was an unfit person for that office. My ultimate supervisor did correct her, that my work performance was excellent regardless of the absence of a zeal to participate in group pictures.

For years I have struggled with making a lasting connection with the new people that I meet. Quite contrary to my presumption, it’s got more and more difficult as I’ve grown up.

My "Unfit" Personality :

I can't exactly pinpoint the time frame when my "unfit personality" started becoming a hindrance in developing lifelong relations with people.

As a school going child, I always felt like I had enough friends. I wasn’t the kind of kid who’d hang around with a bunch of kids and monopolise the favourite recess spot.

Yet, I did have friends. Pretty decent ones, in fact. And I've still got them by my side.

In the last couple years of schooling in my small hometown, I actually felt 'loneliness' for the first time. But it had to do with a lot of factors, combined. It was so much more than just another adolescent emotion, and a story for some other time.

The Impact of Social Media :

There’s one significant thing that’s popped up in every phase of my life since those years when I felt 'lonely'- the inability to decode the substitute to a digital social life (aka life in the 21st century).

Years have passed by since the selfie revolution took over the sanity of humans. Yet, it’s still very amusing to witness people hyperventilating at the very moment a camera is flashed at them.

It is everywhere- from youngsters having tea & snacks at the neighbourhood cigarette shop to their memorable trip on the Himalayas. 

After all- clicking pictures has become the very definition of making memories.

The office wasn't the only place where I felt like I didn't belong. It happens each time when a group gets photographed and asks me to squeeze in. Either I'm too anxious, or it's the fact that it is not something I've yet accepted as a form of making memories.

I’ve been advised NUMEROUS TIMES by NUMEROUS PEOPLE to try to adapt to the places where I cannot seem to fit in.

Also Read: An Open Letter to My Indian Parents for If & When I Get Married

It’s possible that I do need to change some of my habits, and I try my best

Although, I cannot make myself change the core characteristics of my personality and I do not even want to.

I cannot make friends by just, ‘going out’. Yup, it’s true that perhaps they’re trying to connect with the likes of me, but come on again! What are the odds that either of us would just find each other there at the synchronised time!

Pretty sure they’re in their comfort zone somewhere doing whatever it is that makes them happy, just how I am doing right now.

I do not however feel like I need to be photographed in an office-setup to prove that I'm a fit person as long as my performance is good.

Liked that?

Great!

Stay in touch! :)

The Menstrual Leaves Debate is Well Appreciated. But Why is Menstruation Still Considered a Taboo in Our Society?

Zomato has initiated a well-appreciated debate in India by introducing period leaves. Although, it does raise a very serious question amongst us: why is period/menstruation still considered a taboo in our society?

I have come across a lot of questions posed to me by my male friends which points towards their lack of knowledge when it comes to the topic. And they cannot be blamed for this. If anything, I appreciate their curiosity to know more.

In this series of graphics, I ponder upon the main highlights of the subject: "Why is menstruation considered a taboo?"

Let me know about your views on this!

What do you think? Is menstruation still a taboo subject amongst you and your friends? Let me know in the comments section below!

Also Read: Dealing With The Corona Virus Pandemic Anxiety

Dealing With The Corona Virus Pandemic Anxiety

What a sudden and strange turn our lives have took over the last couple of months. 2020 couldn't have been more unpredictable.

A lot of us lost our jobs, failed to be one of those who could secure a work-from-home, our exams got postponed, school and college degrees got stuck.

Some of us had the exact opposite plans for 2020, specially those of us in our early 20’s. Pandemic disrupted all of our lives pretty hard. So many of us are sitting at home worried, anxious & clueless about when it’s going to be alright again.

Well, nobody knows… so what do we do??

 

I overthink way too much. It sometimes gets out of my hands so much that I lose track of the reality. 

Do you guys remember the loud animal howls that filled the urban silence when the lockdown was first imposed? It was then that all of this pandemic stuff got too real for me.

I remember waking up one day and taking a shower right after because my head was exploding with thoughts as soon as I woke up. I had an anxiety attack right there in the washroom.

I was too scared to step out. My mind somehow got cluttered with pretty ridiculous thoughts.

“these noises must be coming from that slum dwelling right behind the house… yup, that’s where it’s coming from. Did somebody die… that would explain the crying… shall I go look?

Why is nobody else from the house up yet? These noises are insane… what if the virus gets out of control, I’d soon have to hear all of this from every corner of the city! Oh, there’s more… Why are they howling like animals? What do I do…. Somebody shut it down, please shut it down…”

I couldn’t get out of the washroom. I sat there even after having taken my bath.

It’s been 3 months now. I don’t get scared like that anymore. But it was awful. I’m still not able to step out of the house even if it is to meet my friends who I know are quarantining well enough.

Also Read: Could the Internet have Dealt Better with Mental Health Awareness After Sushant Singh Rajput's "Death"?

I never liked my house. The home, is fine. But the house… it’s got no windows, none at all. I loved the freedom I enjoyed for the last 5 years, when I didn’t have to live in my hometown.

While I did prepare myself for the worst, things have been this way for too long now. I try to take my energy out by doing what I like the most. At some point, even that gets boring, but I don’t see any point in giving myself any free time. I know my little brain will explode with thoughts if I take a look at the newspaper.

Buddha says ‘do not dwell in the past’.

However, these are those exceptional times where I have taken the liberty of changing the quotation as per my own terms!

DO NOT DWELL IN THE PRESENT.

I’m trying to make plans for the future already. Something that I never did because I was too scared to dream big.

How are you dealing with this pandemic anxiety?

Could the Internet have Dealt Better with Mental Health Awareness After Sushant Singh Rajput's "Death"?

Sushant Singh Rajput, a perfect-in-every-sense celebrity "allegedly" commits suicide and what follows is an online nation-wide outcry on the internet. It was mostly about how humans need to be more kind, open and shall speak up about their mental health issues.

If you were one of those people who realised that they need to be a better friend and make amends to people that you weren't previously kind enough to, this article is for you.

The internet missed out on a very important point: having a clear reality check about all the possible outcomes that could emerge out of this. Do so within your own limits, knowing that your actions will not unintentionally lead to unfortunate, unpredictable, irreversible traumatic incidents, of course.

Know how much to do, when to do and where to stop. Do not indulge in anything that could create more problems.

How? To understand this you need to analyse circumstances. I'll try my best, but it goes way beyond the contents of this little post and my own emotional intelligence.

Why do people with deteriorating mental health have a hard time opening up about their issues?

People who do not speak up about their mental health often do so because of a fear, that they wouldn't be understood. It is impractical for us to expect these people to open up ALL OF A SUDDEN.

Perhaps they did try to speak out before. Maybe that is what led to even more trauma for them: the behavioural reactions of an unprepared, immature friend/colleague/family member.

Even if they do it, are you sure you're capable and strong enough to hear what they're going to unload Horrifying unheard stories can be traumatising for both people, the one who shares, and the one who listens to them for the first time.

Elaborating with an example ahead

(Sexual Harassment trigger warning)

Your cousin finally opens up to you about an old sexual harassment experience that they underwent. This was the very first time they've opened up. They could be shivering, they could be fumbling with words to speak up. All too much for you to process and understand. After all, you've never seen that side of them. While you try to politely listen, you realise that you didn't go through any of those horrifying experiences.

It makes complete sense if you have no clue about how to react.

But, your cousin might have had to collect immense amount of courage to speak up. So it's very natural for them to expect a reaction.

Also Read: Dealing With the Coronavirus Pandemic Anxiety in 2020

You'll be doing more harm than good, if the reaction comes out wrong or even as slightly insignificant. They will have to gather even more courage the next time they do it.

And here's another instance...

What if YOU have been a subject of a similar unfortunate incident yourselves? What if, YOU never got over it yourself? What if them confessing these things lands YOU in a dangerous situation, by triggering YOUR unresolved traumas?

Both of you would be shattered at once if it comes out unpredictably, right? Who would be responsible then?

Before promising all your support to your friends, please know that you are also allowed to create your boundaries. You're only human. Recommend a doctor if you feel very early on in the conversation that your help wouldn't be adequate in some particular matter.

Why not effectively raise our voice instead, to demand a strong mental health support system?

We all have little cousins who are undergoing trauma as we speak and repost things online. No amount of kindness can replace professional therapy.

Try to persuade your own families first, about how visiting a therapist does NOT make one mentally-ill. It's a long way to go from here, to the governments actually making this a priority: mass employment of psychologists and counsellors in every educational institute, right from kindergarten.

Isn't that what's the norm in the western world? Isn't that a way more effective way to do something about mental health, rather than risking something that might lead to a multiplicity of unfortunate incidents?

Every human is not equipped with a perfect balance of kindness, because every person has their own unresolved issues. Human psychology is really, really more complicated than one would think. You cannot have an answer to everything. What you can do is, normalise the trend in your own houses, schools and colleges first.

Also read: Fiction was my best friend as a child, but it’s a blessing and a curse at the same time...

Yeah, that's step one. Second would be, visiting your alma-mater's staff, principals, HODs to tell them that they HAVE TO employ a counsellor for the upcoming batches, no matter what.

If you wish your school/alma-mater had a mental health professional, sign this link.

I take pride in belonging to a school dedicated to girls. Sophia school was my alma-mater for all 14 years of my school life. My mother had to fight to get me & my sister admitted to a good institution. Yet, I believe.. this school wasn’t enough because you got home to a community that wasn’t the same.

I wish I had an early access to a mental health counsellor. It wouldn’t have rendered me feeling hopeless in the cruelest of phases when I knew I needed a doctor but didn’t know how and whom to reach out to.

My mother has been a government teacher for 25 years now. She tells me, government institutions do not have any posts/vacancies for psychologists. Understandable. How can the government find one good counsellor when there’s no availability of good subject teachers.

Private institutions MUST accept that a counsellor in every institution is the need of the hour. The more we delay this, the more broken generations we are raising up.

It’s a cycle. It won’t stop. Mental health professionals exist for a reason, after all.

I cannot go back to my school with this demand because I’m emotionally weak. I don’t know who I would be dealing with, how kind the person on the other end would be. I will however, help you if you wish to take a stand. I will help you out with everything that I’m good with (including writing a very strong-worded letter to my own alma-mater).

Fiction was my best friend as a child, but it’s a blessing and a curse at the same time...

I read my first novel in 3rd grade. It was a thriller/mystery. Reading as a hobby has been in my family for at least 2 generations now. In fact, my 2 siblings and I have inherited the exact taste in genre as my father!

Our school library only lent books to students in grade 6 and above. But since I had an elder sister with the very same hobby, I got an access to a huge collection of fiction books, way more early than the other kids.

Scholastic book fairs became sorta religious for us. We even borrowed unusual number of books from our friends who didn’t like reading much.

And the only stall we visited in our small town’s annual trade fair was: the book stall. Where else could you find a plethora of second-hand books at such cheap rates?

About a decade back.. my sister, brother and I wanted to place an online order for a few books from our favourite author that the three of us had been waiting to lay our hands on since ages! Mom and dad asked us to wait til the finals got over. But we couldn’t wait...

So we searched for pirated copies on the internet. We then sneaked into dad’s office and printed 3 novels that day! We got a big-ass lecture and (well-deserved) verbal thrashing for wasting so much paper.

My favourite author, Sir only-wrote-18-books-and-passed-away became a god-sent for an introvert child like me, who spent almost no outdoor time as an adolescent.

All of his books had a strong female protagonist as the lead character. These books took me to places and times that I had only read about in History and Geography books. The insane amount of detailing when it came to human psychology used to make me gasp with surprise

Unlike most kids, by the time I was in 9th grade, I knew what Multiple Personality Disorder was. I never gave another genres a serious try. They weren’t just worth it after I’d swam in the murder-mystery-fiction waters.

I always had my head in the clouds growing up, living in a parallel universe. I’d be sitting in the school bus dreaming about going to a school, very different than mine. Where there was sub-par infrastructure and much more cooler people around.

I wouldn’t call it all bad, because at the very young age of 9 years, I had planned a novel with my two best friends. We divided the tasks: who would write it, who would be doing the illustrations, help us get it printed and distributed, and what not!

Also Read: An Open Letter to My Parents for If & When I Get Married

While getting over my very first SO after a non-consensual breakup… every time I had an emotional outbreak and felt like reaching out, fiction helped me become strong and not do it. It took a lot of self-control… almost to the brink of insanity. I’d tell myself that he’s dead, so I can’t do it.

Planned a funeral in my head and everything. Crazy, right? I would not recommend it, even though back then it helped me not step back into a dangerous territory.

Confusing fiction with reality subconsciously became an ugly habit overtime. Every time I was scared of trying something new, I’d tell myself that I do not necessarily need to indulge in it, because life can go on without any possibility of me landing in a similar situation.

I am aware about this habit today, and it still creates problems for me sometimes. Running away from reality only makes acceptance difficult. It’s delusional. And it’s a lot of work to get my brain off that track even when I know I’m doing it.

Have you been in my shoes? If so, when did you realise you were doing it, and how did you get rid of it? Let me know in the comments below! :)

Also Read: Question: How Do You Define A Good Piece Of Art?

The Pandemic's Psychological Implications on Small Town People

Stressed from the home quarantine more than the actual virus itself? It makes complete sense if you're one of those wanting to escape your home. This feeling even has a medical term to address itself: Cabin Fever.

Because of this odd healthcare emergency, a huge proportion of human race has been confined to wherever they were, at an extremely short notice with no preparation whatsoever! Ofcourse, with no exception to toxic houses and relationships.

What is Cabin Fever & how real is it?

Had we been given enough time to deal with the situation, some of us would've preferred to be elsewhere. But what's done cannot be changed. You didn't have enough time or a prior understanding so do not feel sorry about it and maybe try to get a deeper understanding of the concept.

Why is living indoors with the people we love so difficult?

If you feel a claustrophobic emotion with your own loved ones, and feel like walking out of the 4 walls after every single fight with a cohabiter, it is pretty normal. Even those couples who have been happily married for decades are experiencing constant exposure to negative energy around them.

Why? Well, largely because most of us used to keep ourselves surrounded with a work environment including daily commutes to work places, having a social circle interested in the same hobbies and leisure activities like us, etc. But now it's all taken away from us!

That is one explanation or a meaning behind our heightened irrational decision-making & incapable coping-mechanisms while staying indoors with our families, friends and spouses. Often leading to undesired clashes because of the minutest issues. We even end up feeling sorry but the chain of reactions doesn't seem to be in our control.

A major shift in our societal structures:

When it comes to communication, man definitely overshadowed all the other species. But that doesn't resonate with the present times because for most of us, we always had an option to walk out whenever our mental state gave us any hints.

My theory is that in some certain civilisations man moved too fast with the advancement of civilisation so much so that he has forgot how to behave in a social setting. This is especially true for the modern Indian families hailing from small towns.

Let us understand the concept with 3 simple steps:

1. A gradual process of change

If you're in your 20's, you might've witnessed the trend shifting from joint families to nuclear families in your own houses. As every generation separates itself with an illusion that everything around them is exactly how they want it, there is a multitude of resulting factors.

The positive: We can allow indulgence in things that weren't previously allowed. Even something as little as what you wear. For instance, my entire extended community wears traditional Indian wear at home & have always wanted me to, too.

Also Read: Could the Internet have Dealt Better with Mental Health Awareness After Sushant Singh Rajput's "Death"?

Being in the comfort of my own home, my parents do not force me to do what I don't want. They even allowed me to change my city, drawing criticism from the community (how can you let your girl be free, yada yada yada).

I had the liberty to liberate myself from the viewpoint of my own community, neighbours, etc. Alas, that's not the reality on ground but just a result of disassociation from it. Simply because I could!

2. The immediate change

As humans became more and more disconnected to their own tribe… BAMM! Governments across the planet lock them down with these very same people that they cannot even relate to anymore.

Ofcourse, there's no window to escape with schools and colleges being shut down, jobs getting taken away, lack of ability to cook our own meals in absence of movement of our house-helpers, etc. So many of us had to move back to our (comparatively regressive) hometowns.

The very same thing we disassociated from is now once again being thrown into our faces with a 24/7 exposure!

3. The result

A pan-human mental health crisis occurring primarily in societies that underwent massive changes in the original societal structures.

For instance, if you never felt comfortable about the regressive views of your grandparents or even parents in some instances, being away from home made it easier. Lack of direct interaction was your number one resort to cut off those triggers.

Also Read: An Open Letter to My Parents for If & When I Get Married

What can I do about it now?

Constantly remind yourself that you're an active participant of several future research papers for mental health professionals. Experiencing behavioural/personality clashes with yourselves or those around on a mass scale like this doesn't happen every now and then. 

You have an opportunity to make the most out of this rarest of the rare humanitarian crisis. However you choose to deal with the situation now can create history. Yes, YOU have the power now.

In a scenario where we are losing our jobs, it has become empirical for us to improvise on the plans. A lot of things are going to change and won't be the same as they were before.

Choose wisely about picking up a track for your future

Keep updating yourself with the news and affairs of whatever industry seems the most relevant to you. You belong to an era that would go in the history books of sorts so make the most of it by being innovative in your approach.

Even if those plans cannot be implemented now, indulge yourself in the long and tedious procedure of collecting information, planning & strategy. I understand that it could be difficult given the scenario at home, but you gotta give your dreams and aspirations a go.

Make it a now or never situation. Goodluck!

I am running an online campaign #BreakTheStigma to collect signatures from people who wished they had a mental health counsellor in their schools. Contribute by signing the petition here.