A Nightmarish Reality

Losing a person as young as you, who grew up as your shadow, but now is in a place that's far away from you. Sleepless nights, and if any sleep at all, visions where you see them again, outlandishly terrorized of what has happened to them. Whispering your name, asking you to have a look at their moist wounds, to help them tell everybody it's not for real, and that they are coming back to everybody who is already mourning their premature departure.

And then that drifting away til they finally dissolve in hazy air that appeared out of nowhere, arm out-stretched as far as they can to not let go of that one last grip, which will be all that you're going to remember. How you couldn't hold them close to you when you had that chance.

You try your best to picture how would have that 9-year-old bubbly-beautiful girl with short hair and bright eyes turned out to be after her adolescent years. How would she look like if she were with you today, after 10 years of her demise? You try your best but only find yourselves desperately looking for inklings from their siblings, parents and yourselves, failing desolately.

When you think about the relationship you used to share and what possible difference, if any could've 10 years made. If they would've graduated from the same school as you, be living in the same city as you. If they'd have grown up to become a person with same philosophical ideology as yours. Shared similar avocations as yours.

Death leaves a headache so fragile that it never really goes away, but is always there reminding you of its actuality. A heart so heavy and a depression that rises in your throat, pounding hard inside, leaving your heart wrenching in waves of turmoil. That first time you see them so pale, so cold, that's the last you'll ever get to see of them again. That'll be how you're going to remember them for the rest of your life. A vivacious soul that went to sleep, eternally. That girl with captivating persona who turned pale, inanimate.

Isn't it the most painful kind of death when you have to bear with the mourning in your heart for even longer than the days of their life?