An Open Letter to My Indian Parents for If & When I Get Married

    Dear Mom & Dad,

It’s happening. I’m finally old enough to commit legally to another family. Have, another family. It’s been a long journey that we’ve travelled together til here and as much as I’m anxious about the next journey with this new guy (or girl, hah!) by my side, I’m also VERY anxious about this days long ‘ceremony’ that’s expected of us.

Ever since I was a child, I’ve been telling you that I do not wish to have an elaborate one because it’s quite meaningless for someone who grew up with you. Two hardworking people whose entire lives have revolved around their respective careers and upbringing us. Me, didi and bhaiya.

You were never religious or cared enough to drag us to any of the ceremonies in our own community, ever since we were little. Honestly, I’m pretty clueless about almost all of those rituals, as i’m sure you are, too.

So what happens next? Somewhere between the years when you were working hard for that tender, papa.. and you learnt how to operate every single application on MS Office, mom, a lot of other changes did occur. For example, many of my friends sprung their own careers out of opportunities in what has now become, an industry.

Yeah, marriage has become an even more elaborate industry now, than it used to be in your time.

For families like us, that have been on shaming-radar of our own community, apparently for not getting married us sooner, there’s a new system in place. They’re called wedding-planners. They’ll manage everything from the fireworks for when my groom (/bride) and I would be exchanging var-malas on the excessively blingy and shimmery spinning-elevated platform-cum-stage to the drone-videography of that event.

Ofcourse, in older times, we would’ve had to depend on our extended family members to manage all of this. And given their lack of faith in us because of my delayed (possibly non-consensual with them) marriage, they might desert us. And hence, these wedding event managers would definitely be our saviours.

Also Read: Fiction was my best friend as a child, but it’s a blessing and a curse at the same time...

But here’s the thing, mom and dad. All of the things they plan are done keeping in mind the ‘trends’. There’ll be pre-wedding shoots, a shot of you and I hugging, before my Vidai, dad. Oh there’ll be hundreds and thousands of pictures taken. Re-takes, because, it’s mandatory they get the appropriate angle for my non-photogenic face *smh*.

And here’s what the problem is, we’d be spending god-knows how many ‘kilograms’ of rupees (Ahemmm, pun only because, Digital India) on something that your daughter sucks at.

Your daughter hates getting clicked.

Your daughter hates looking at, posing for the camera.

Your daughter hates fireworks.

Your daughter hates excessively crowded places, let alone a situation where she’s the centre of all attraction. Oh, I’m pretty sure I’ll either run away or faint because of a panic attack and not knowing what to do with so many strangers staring right into my eyes or my ‘get-up’.

They’ll have exclusive music tracks for every single footstep that I would be taking. Remixes, even. I grew up with you. I blasted Green Day and The Cure when I was 11, at home. By the next 10 years, I was exploring the shit out of “I’m Cyborg But It’s Okay” Youtube channel. I will not be able to take it, those remixes while spinning on an elevated platform, putting the var-mala around my partner’s neck. I might as well strangle him (/her) in anger to make it stop.

Also Read: You're opting for Arts? Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind!

How are we going to survive this? We’re both stuck in the middle. Sometime when the trend shifted from being 'extremely religious+respected' to 'extremely religious+trendy+trumpet-gloat-glory', in regards to getting married, you and I were lost somewhere in our own worlds. We’ve become aliens and I do not know how we’re going to overcome this major hurdle before I can happily start this beautiful new phase of my life.

Yours Truly,

An Anxious Daughter with no regrets whatsoever

but only love for how you’ve raised me up.

Question: How Do You Define A Good Piece Of Art?

My lame attempt at a Maieutic (Socratic) Response: "What is Art?"

For me, it is an expression manifested in form of a piece of literature, a song, a video clip, a photograph, a painting. But that's not it!

Good art has to be capable enough to:

• start a dialogue; trigger an action or reaction,
• generate different views from a different sect(s) of people &
• generate a set of views (conflicting or non-conflicting in nature) from the very same person

In my opinion, interpretation is always best left upon the audience. It derives maximum reaction to it this way, with a prerequisite of it being an EXCELLENT piece of work!

Miley Cyrus, a pop artist (who millions of girls have seen on TV as Hannah Montana in our teen years) dropped her much anticipated and teased new music video with Mark Ronson this morning (at 5:30 AM in my country, LOL).

It goes by the name ‘Nothing Breaks Like A Heart’!

First Impression of Miley's song:
Must be about a heartbreak. (Oh, wait. This isn't Taylor Swift, pfft. Boo!)

Second Thought:
Could be about how she lost her beloved Malibu beach-house (the one that she's previously written a song about) and Rainbowland Studio, in the recent Woolsey Fire. Her house, where she lived with her loving fiancé, Liam, burned down to ashes. (Hence, the lyrics "This burning house, there's nothing left").

A closer look at the (now deleted) 9 mini-teasers Miley had posted on Instagram:

1. A broken heart hung from the ceiling (could be inspired from the WRECKING BALL?)
2. A little girl playing with bullets
3. A stranded car with numerous toys laying about in the room
4. Lustful gaze of a man at a stripper performing in a club
5. Protesters with placards "All Or Nothing", "Fight for Miley"
6. 2 little girls standing in a firing range, pointing & nodding at the prop-board (these boards little girl figurines, not the usual ones of a man)
7. More protesters and placards (the one with '#MeToo'.... is it a man, a lady, a trans? You decide)
8. A car being chased by numerous police cars and a helicopter

Lets get to the video itself:

My Interpretation of the music video:

(Everything is a personal interpretation, especially those in green)

It begins with a car chase.

It's been made clear at the very start that "the destination remains unknown". People, supporters alongside the roads, standing with placards that state "We Are Miley" "Fight for Miley". She's referring to herself as a metaphor, perhaps. The 'various law enforcement vehicles' are chasing her vehicle.

There's a bunch of Christian nuns standing in support. Next, we see a strip club and numerous girls performing. There's a priest here. A man who has been introduced before. He has a lustful gaze.

Meanwhile... the lyrics,

"We're broken, we're broken,

Mmm, well nothing, nothing, nothing gon' save us now"

Next, Miley's looking right into the camera, as she sings these lines-

"Well, there's broken silence

By thunder crashing in the dark (Crash in the dark)

And this broken record

Spin endless circles in the bar (Spin 'round in the bar)"

Something about Miley's gaze towards the camera and the content of these lyrics make me think if she's referring to this song as the one that's gonna do rounds in these very bars, and is a call for these strippers to 'break their silence'.

Her car crashes through a wall. This is my favourite part. I interpret it as the wall of Ignorance, breaking apart, to reveal what's actually happening inside. We see two young girls standing on the other side of this wall. These 2 happy girls (engaged in clicking pictures of themselves with filters, the filter of social validation?) represent innocence that exists outside of these walls, perhaps. Completely unaware about what's happening inside.

Next, the car breaks into a second wall where there are 2 under-training girls in the dark alley, separated by this wall, of neglect towards the 'darkness' that this alley is representing. The darkness is a metaphor for the circumstances that led upto it. From innocence, to violence.

Could this represent mental health? Lack of recognition of severity of the situation? That's how I interpret it. Young children exposed to 'social validation' at a very ripe age, turning them from the victims of that darkness, to the culprits behind another form of darkness: Gun Violence, happening inside schools.

Miley, representing all of us, who're willing to take an action, stands in the way of these bullets being shot at their own peers (metaphorically represented by those unusual shooting placards).

Next up, another crash into yet another wall that shelters two female lovers in a hot tub. Chasing by the 'law-enforcement' continues.

We spot a man here in the crowd, with "Miley For President" tattoos. No, it's highly unlikely that Miley's gonna stand against Trump despite having openly opined against him multiple times.

When Trump was first elected president, a crying footage of her had surfaced. A very bold interview with Billboard magazine soon after. Although she did make it clear in that interview that she wanted to be taken seriously, and that's when she decided to get past the hippie-pop phase.

Another metaphorical message for all of us? This Miley standing for what she's voiced against time to time, aka, the Trump ideology.

(This very moment that we speak of this breaking-walls metaphor... there's the Mexico-American border thing going on. Now I don't really have a stand for or against this one. Migration is a pretty serious issue, for any given country.

I think that it needs to be pondered upon that WHY HAS MEXICO COME TO THIS POINT where emigrants do not care about being open-fired at! What has been happening in that country, and why isn't this debate replacing the entire anti-or-pro Trump debate altogether? Is one country's supremacy so much important as to over-shadow the actual cause of the consequent debate?)

There's more, NFL players kneeling in support of the car, as it approaches towards the 'destination unknown'.

Prison inmates, fighting over, hugging, clutching on to the toys we saw in the teaser. They're soft toys. What do these American prison inmates represent? Tell me what you think in the comments section below!

The car finally crashes. Miley and Mark approach the protesters where she's finally crucified to this car, something that she stood for.

Some major themes that Miley and Mark covered in this 4 minute video, and how they’re related to the Indian context:

1. Religious fanatics and all the problems that they lead up to
   
   Corruption within these ‘sacred’ bodies, sponsorship to moral policing with utter disregard to self-policing, etc
   
   
2. The un-defined code of moral social conduct
   
   The issue of 'appropriateness' when it comes to clothes, behaviour, respect towards certain people of certain professions (Strippers, Sex-workers)
   
   Who exactly is supposed to be the judge of these said morals?
   
   
3. All that is wrong (or, right. You decide) with the #MeToo campaign
   
   
4. LGBTQ Supreme Court Judgement: scraping of Article 377
   
   And the rightist-rage/lack of ground level recognition & acceptance towards it
   
   
5. Gun violence isn’t an issue in India, yet
   
   But incidents like the Ryan International, Gurugram incident with the DEPRESSED school kids (I cannot stress this enough)
   
   
6. This artist has been criticised so widely against the “wild” phase of her life: which is something every Indian kid is put through!
   
   In light of constant scrutinising of every action by the society.. how is one supposed to grow, if not by experiments or trial and error, or whatever approach one deems to consider as right for themselves?

What's your take on the video?

Also Read: An Open Letter to My Parents for If & When I Get Married

I Meant It When I Said I'm Leaving The Title Empty!

Can you recall the last time you read a funny statement, in a not so funny, but very very serious piece of text printed in commercial ink, on a paper?

I do. It was yesterday.

After MONTHS.

Now, can you recall the last time a meme made you LOL when you were actually pretty depressed?

Woah... all the time, right? Probably the very last thing that happened before you stumbled across this long ass post. Hell, our feeds are flooded with memes about memes being our saviours. Now, let us talk about that part in the last paragraph where we normalised a severe problem- depression. What's there to talk about? Well, a lot.

Few years ago, back in high school.. an 8th grader, couple years junior to us committed suicide. That doesn't sound unfamiliar or strange if you think about it, right? No matter what school you went to. It's SO common. While I did not know that junior personally.. I can recall a not-very-old incident of a close uncle, my father's childhood friend and business partner for decades, haven taken his life. It reminds me of a statement made by a teacher when the case of that junior was still afresh.

India desperately needs to borrow an element from the western culture.. that of having psychological counsellors in all of our schools and institutions. And they gotta be efficient in their work!

(Pun time: pls no caste reservations for this job profile pls haa GOI!)

It's a need, long been neglected. That was years ago and I can only marvel at the foresight of the woman.. now that I've grown up and know what she was talking about.

All of us happen to know somebody from our immediate family or friend circle having at least ATTEMPTED it. It's the second leading cause of death in our generation (15-29 year olds, as per a WHO report, dated August 2018). Mind you, this takes into account ONLY the reported SUCCESSFUL suicide cases, given the stigma around this cause.

As put forward by Yuval N. Harari, human being is already on the path to that future where we would be able to control how we feel, by having done enough progress in the field of biochemistry. But that is a long, long way to go, at least for being accessible to each one of us. So, definitely, relying on the scientists for this would not be a great idea, at least for now. Sure, we've got plenty options now from the medical field. But-

1. Not everybody is lucky enough to get recognised and counselled.
2. It needs constant supervision (lack of which, generally, has driven them to this point).
3. Why make our bodies a slave to these induced hormones. It is known to drive some of us to the point of no return.

Take that random girl's comment that I came across on a purely visually aesthetic music video on YouTube, as an example. She wrote how it was a typical boring day listening to it, on acid with her pals & how her previous generations would experience kaleidoscopic and sexual blast on LSD. From the looks of it, she was probably on it when she wrote it.

Our societies, relationship with peers and families are going through massive transitions. If you or your (grand/)parents have not already experienced it, you SOON might.

(Well, if you hadn't noticed already.. "Dysfunctional Families" is now a Netflix genre!)

It is bound to have psychological repercussions, and there is no escape. You could however, learn how to deal with it in the best possible way. You could seek help (professional or from your circle) but in absence of that, which generally is the case.. you have to do that yourself.

There is no point in dwelling over the agony or observations that nothing is working in your favour. There is really a very slight possibility, if any, that you will not make it through, after having given your best, and then some more.

Yuval also pointed out in his masterpiece of a book, about the electronic algorithms that have taken over our online behavioural traits. Mankind has had a history to approach priests and astrologers to know if a partner is (/not) good for them. Then came the theory of trusting your heart, feelings and instincts. Soon the electronic algorithms will know us better than we do, even biochemically.

But what choice do I have now? In this very moment, how do I tell if I should be friends with this person? The answer is EXPERIENCE. You'll make mistakes. A lot of them.

"One of the patterns of mistakes I have learnt from is, realising everybody around me will not be able to help me out. It is the hard truth, but nobody owes it to me. I cannot blame them for not being around. That does not necessarily make them bad friends. Perhaps they are dealing with a battle themselves in that moment. I have to deal with mine and learn to not hold it against them. Each friend could be a different kind of a friend (but it should be a good different kind). I do not have to tolerate every person around me in my moments of vulnerability, even in the name of friendship."

Not every friend or acquaintance is good for me.

I might have to be that person saying NO in some cases. It is very essential to root out the negative friends for our growth and stability. Friendship HAS TO BE a 2-way thing. No ifs and buts. By observing patterns, we've to learn what is best for us. It requires some people to hit rock bottom before realising some essential lesson themselves. Do not beat yourself up about it. Specially when in a severely bad phase yourself, do not indulge with the negativity around you. It is possible for it to go either of the two ways- healing for the both of you, or just the opposite.

"Know and act upon what your instincts tell you. Are they really worth losing your mental peace about? Are they around when you need help? That will help you in deciding whether or not to stick around every time they cry help. And honestly, if that is the one time they're around, SHUT.THEM.OUT. right f***ing now!"

I know I keep mentioning my Nani every now and then. She is a really old woman. I would not say age-wise.. because people do live up to their 90s. She is nearly 2 decades younger but I have seen her age like anything after my Nana passed away. Watching her slip into a depression has taught me that even the strongest of us lose a hold of ourselves sometimes. But here is a little something that this terribly sad incident made me experience. My Nana was a happy person, despite an incurable, indisposable termite residing with them in the house. He asked us to eat healthy and do yoga. I never took it seriously. To honour his memory, I initiated one of them, and my inner self has never been more at peace than now.

Take some off-screen time.

I wrote this piece of writing, on paper. This is the first time I have done it for a blog post. Although I would admit, one reason I did it is because of the shitty Mojave OS update that would not let me use my laptop without plugging in the power adapter at all times.. (for the love of your reputation as an almost $1 trillion company.. FIX IT, TIM!)

But anyway, it ended up saving me a lot of time, and was soft on my eyes, unlike the uncomfortable mind-numbing hours of editing on screen. It gives you time to indulge in activities that you used to love pre technology era. That excitement has got submerged by the hundreds of thousands of miles of scrolling that our index fingers have been doing over the years. Take social media detoxes every now and then, if not entirely and forever. How ironical, I made you read such a long post on a screen. But I'm going off now! Wait, before I post a link to this on every platform! xD